I WANT to watch the internet video of the puppy and the seal playing hide-and-seek.
As you do. It's just five minutes out of my busy schedule to look at the lighter, cuter side of life.
And what do I get? David Tennant, the actor, saying: "Isn't it annoying when three programmes that you want to record are on at the same time?"
No, it's annoying when you come on, mate, and waste 30 seconds of our lives trying to sell us cable TV or whatever it is.
The capitalists ruin everything with their tawdry hawking. Every interesting online video is now preceded by their commercial intrusions. It's the equivalent of folk in a Third World bazaar bawling their wares at you when you've just popped out for a pint of yak milk.
Televisual advertising saps the soul. It's a foot in the door of your mind. Consider when the football's on ITV. The atmosphere builds. The game's about to kick off. And it's time to have an ad break.
All right, online, somebody must be making money out of ads: YouTube or the person who put up the video. And that's probably a good thing. But they're making us watch stuff we don't want to watch.
You can't switch the ads off or fast forward through them online. You have to thole them. Sometimes they're actually longer than the film you want to see.
There's been a UFO sighting over the Urals? Quick, I want to watch. But, no, first I must suffer someone trying to shove Blenkinsop's patented laxative down my throat.
There aren't ads on every video. They just seem to be on those that have gone "viral". But they're a curse, and I damn them to Hades — where every poke with a hot trident is preceded by an ad.
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