By wedding here, I don't mean the single event of the ceremony, I mean the whole fortnight-long fandango of lead-up.
The fact that a week before the actual wedding was a kind of vast stag party for which at least 100 extra people happened to roll up gives you a hint of the metaphorical waistline of these affairs.
When Polly and I pitched up to the ladies section of the event in our finest shiniest, but looking like dull pebbles in a sea of bling, there was already a hard core of ladies were dancing in the scrum at the front. There were, someone told us, bottles of Baileys in the corner, but it only seemed right to join in the real spirit of the party, which is to get high from Irn Bru or Diet Coke.
After the big party was the little after-party round the groom's house, where women hovered over the stove, cooking more curry. Since my sons and the kids from Delhi didn't talk the same language, they wrestled instead.
It's been like this continually at my friend's house since the relatives from Delhi arrived three weeks ago.
Some time in the near future there really is about to be a wedding, after which my friend – the mother of the groom – will welcome a new and arranged daughter-in-law to live in her home.
She calculates that on average she had time to talk to each guest for 30 seconds at the last party. I don't know how she keeps going. Probably it's the Irn Bru.
Sometimes when I catch her in the early morning, I see the toll of the endless party written all over her face, but, mostly, once she's got her bling back on again, she looks like the shiniest jewel in the place.
Roll on the next round of Irn Bru.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article