SOON, I take delivery of a massive telly, and I'm as excited as a puppy in a park full of chocolate flowers.
Even though I rarely watch television, at least as it's broadcast, I'm not a TV snob. With curtains closed and dark chocolate to hand, I sit before the screen each evening watching DVD boxed sets.
Without this pleasure, life would be pointless. It's only the thought of sitting down that gets me out of bed in the morning. And where better to sit than in front of the box?
TV snobbery comes in two forms: (1) that you mustn't watch TV at all as you should be exercising or eating fruit; (2) that if you must watch TV, it should be on a small, discreet screen.
I'll treat point (1) with the contempt it deserves. Someone should make a documentary about people who don't watch television. Then we'd see if they tune in.
Point (2) is also worthy of contempt, but I'll address it, as it gets my Capra aegagrus hircus.
Somebody once told me: "You don't want the telly to be the focal point of the room." Er, this news just in: it is the focal point of the room. What do you think we're all staring at? Should we gather round the radiator?
I rarely have visitors, and so am happy to convert my sitting room into a little cinema. If I do get sensitive guests, I'll cover the screen with their coats.
The bigger the screen the better. You wouldn't go to the cinema and insist on a small screen Well, you wouldn't go to the cinema anyway, because it's full of neds. Now you don't have to. Same with the football.
The whole world is being televised and, as it's a big place, it needs a screen sufficient to match it.
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