GRAPHENE is going to change your life.
I ought to qualify that statement immediately. To wit, graphene isn't going to make you happier in a spiritual sense, nor will it give you the shamelessness to dance. It will allow you to fold up your tablet and shove it in your pocket.
And when I say "tablet", I'm talking about wee computerie things, not the confection made from sugar, condensed milk and butter. Get with the programme, madam.
Whence this graphene? Well, it was first isolated in a lab at Manchester Yooni eight years ago, according to Wikipedia. It's just one atom-thick, made of pure carbon and with atoms arranged hexagonally like graphite. Aye, that'll dae me.
Actually, it'll dae nearly anything. Not only is it incredibly strong – unbreakable, gadzooks! – but it is flexible too. The BBC's Abbie Jones says: "It would take an elephant balancing on a pencil to break a piece the thickness of clingfilm." Elephant? Pencil? Clingfilm? What can it all mean?
It means, according to Nobel Prize-winning Professor Kostya Novoselov, that eventually it'll be used in damn near everything. It could deliver better broadband and will have many medical uses.
Despite that, the Londonshire Government has allocated £15m for research. Oddly enough, no-one seems to have adduced a military use for it, nor does its origin lie in the need to kill. How peculiar.
It's a great big, tiny wee, bendy miracle material with a million peacetime purposes. The irritating tune, "Things can only get better", echoes round the caverns of my head as I write. Prof Novoselov says the pace of discovery is so rapid applications once thought impossible can now be considered. Aye, and you can fold your tablet into your pocket tae. Marvellous.
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