"Sing Lady in Red before you go," says the BBC commissionaire in cheery voice as I'm about to leave the building.
"Sing Lady in Red. You know you can do it."
"Lady in Red? Have you been sniffing ink printer cartridges, mate?"
"Lady in Red. You know ... Chris ... whit's his name."
The penny drops. He's suggesting I bear a resemblance to 1980s singer/songwriter Chris De Burgh. I'm devastated. I'd like to slap the security man with his clipboard.
But what's wrong with De Burgh? Do you need to ask that question? Apart from writing naff songs, he had a naff haircut. And hair is a sensitive subject in my head.
Here I am, attempting to recreate the David Cassidy circa Partridge Family era haircut I once boasted – thanks to the wonders of transplantation – and thinking I'm getting away with it. But now ...
This is after years of unfavourable comparisons – a university lecturer once declared me to be the spitting image of Lou Macari, then as more hair departed George Galloway suggested I was the double of then Scottish Secretary Michael Forsyth. Over time I evolved into James Tayor. Not the JT of Sweet Baby James days, sadly, but the shiny-headed James of today.
However, the hair procedure allowed for an attempt to recreate the definitive Cassidy cut. And I thought I had it. Until the BBC bloke matched me up with the writer of cheesy songs and outdated hairdo.
And you know, he was right. The lesson learned? Get a haircut that suits your face rather than the distorted image in your head. Because no-one should be allowed to look like Chris De Burgh. Not even Chris De Burgh.
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