AS MY friends will readily attest, I make a hash of everything.
I'm handless, gormless, clueless. There's a habitual mismatch between hand, eye and brain.
Take an example. There are five of us in a restaurant. The waitress brings a basket of breid and a dish of butter. Everybody wires in. Everybody manages to spread the butter smoothly on their breid. Except me.
The butter, to me and me only, is too hard. It comes away in a lump and, when I try spreading it, I tear huge holes in the breid. In the end, I just swallow the lump of butter with random bits of breid messily attached to it.
Well, now, help is at handless. For they – Mr Warburton the baker and his friends – have only gone and invented a heated knife powered by battery. The implement heats up to 41.8C and melts the butter just enough to spread smoothly.
I'm going to carry mine with me everywhere, although something's bothering me about that plan. Nope, perhaps it'll come to me later.
You'd have thought they'd have invented something like this ages ago. But don't write in if they have for, like my butter, I am on a roll now. And the knife under advisement has been making contemporary headlines, what with its ergonomic handle and everything.
Of course, you can buy spreadable butter, which is fine in the privacy of your own home. But restaurants clearly haven't heard of it.
Mr Warburton hasn't set a date for production, but he can put me down for one. I'll whip it out in the restaurant though, knowing my luck, it'll probably make a noise like a chainsaw.
And I've just remembered what was bothering me about carrying a knife with me everywhere. What if the batteries run out?
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