HALLOWEEN may still be more than a week away, but already the 2013 calendars are hitting the shops.
There's the usual perennial favourites: David Beckham, Cheryl Cole, Take That, Donny Osmond, Cliff Richard et al.
Not to mention the ubiquitous feline-themed calendars with ickle sweet kitty cats sitting in old watering cans or peeping out of tramp-style boots; jokey offerings about men who play golf/go fishing/watch football; and sage words of wisdom to inspire for the year ahead.
This is all grand. Each to their own I say. Except on one count: the incessant fashion of people stripping off for charity calendars. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some cheapskate too tight to put a hand in her pocket for a good cause. I'm simply fed up with everyone from milk men to lollypop ladies channeling their inner exhibitionist with only a strategically placed flower pot or grand piano to preserve their modesty.
When the Calendar Girls did it a decade ago it was ground-breaking. The cabin crew of Ryanair – who unveiled their 2013 calendar in recent days – less so.
Let's just say the latter leaves little to the imagination as they variously cavort on sandy beaches or hose themselves down in skimpy bikinis.
I get that it's meant to be tantalising, provocative and hot. But sorry ladies, the end result is simply tacky. Less David Bailey and more Nuts magazine. It makes the Geordie Shore gang look classy.
Give me a Scottish landscape calendar any day. I'm a sucker for a rolling mountain range, a bit of panoramic loch action, maybe a crumbling little croft in the background. A sprinkling of sheep on a heather strewn hillside, an eagle soaring over a barren glen or a rugged seascape, the wind whipping the froth off the ocean. The only thing I want to see in its barest form is our beautiful country.
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