Yummy. Shocked, you ululate thus: "No-one eats prunes for pleasure." That's a good point, succinctly made.
However, this news just in: I eat prunes for pleasure. True, it may be a passing phase. But, for the time being, prunes have become a big part of my life, along with chocolate (one large square a night), popcorn and bad luck (or persecution by Jehovah the Merciless, if you prefer looking at it like that).
I'm always on the lookout for healthy snacks. Looking after friends' cats, I turned their kitchen upside down searching for comestibles, and found prunes. At first, I leapt back in fear.
But, gingerly, I tasted one. It wasn't bad at all. Before long I was half-way down the packet. Appalled at my greed, I found some shrivelled lumps in the cats' litter tray and refilled the prunes packet with these. Clearly, the prunes were not being eaten, so I'm sure I got away with it.
Meanwhile, I added prunes to my growing list of healthy purchases at Lord Sainsbury the grocer's. First, however, I performed the necessary ritual of the modern era: I looked them up on the internet.
I found that prunes are full of antioxidants and supposedly help prevent osteoporosis. They're also rich in fibre, which is why they're good for yonder bowels.
At first I worried that I'd spend the rest of my prune-addicted life in the lavatory, just popping my head out once or twice to say hello.
But they don't have you going every five minutes. They just get you healthy in that department. Like everything else, they have calories, so you must heed the boring old law of moderation.
But a prune a day won't kill you. And what doesn't kill you makes you more regular.
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