LET me make it abundantly clear that I do not habitually wear a vest.
Wearing a vest under your shirt was more a trait of my Dad's generation.
I'm talking about plain white vests, string or otherwise, as popularised by Nesbitt, R of that ilk. Usually, they were co-ordinated with pants – I apologise for lowering the tone – but that was before life got complicated and undies of many hues and shapes began appearing.
I do not wish to dwell on singlets. I believe these are a relative of the vest, often worn by thuggish sorts down the gym to display their biceps and tattoos. Decent society has no place for such garments.
But there's a solidity to the traditional vest. It speaks of men emulating their fathers and their father's fathers. Picture yon noble ancestor standing over the sink in his vest as he shaves with impossibly manly implements.
I confess my plastic Bic razor for sensitive skin doesn't really cut it by comparison. You have a question, madam? "Yes. Your face is covered in fungus, old fathead. So why must you shave?" Answer: I do my cheeks and under my chin.
But under my chin, alas, you'll rarely find a vest. I'm far too busy to don one in the morning. Also, the Lord has blessed me with rosacea, which means I'm always too hot and cannot risk going over-clothed.
But there are always vests in my drawers. Often, I'll wear one to exercise classes, which increases the heat but restrains the moobs. I offer you this crucial piece of advice for getting through life: do not wobble. It occasions titters and makes you feel less than lithe.
Every man should have some vests. I do not know what the situation is with women. And I mean that in its widest sense.
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