A fare effort

Diary Editor

Friday 21 September 2012

OUR George Square tales remind entertainer Andy Cameron of his early days as a bus conductor on the night service from George Square to Castlemilk.

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Ken Smith

Says Andy: "Upstairs a wee drunk guy informs me that he had 'nae money' so, being me, I asked if he could sing. 'Nae bother' says he and gets right into his song 'hullo hullo'

"'Haud oan' says me, 'it's a mixed company – ye canny sing a Rangers song'. He just ignored me and carried on with the next line, 'Who's yer lady friend' "First-class thirstTHE ROW over who runs the West Coast main line reminds a Clarkston reader of travelling first class on the Virgin train some years ago when it was quiet, and the steward kept on topping up his wine glass. Says our reader: "Eventually the steward said: 'have you got any room in your briefcase? Don't let anybody at Central see it', and handed a full bottle over. A few seconds later he reappeared, 'And don't be writing any letters to Richard Branson telling him how great the service is, either'."A short while after that the first class fares went up considerably."What are the odds?"I TOOK a bookmaker's daughter out the other night," said the chap in the Glasgow pub. "The bookie thought he was a bit of a comedian – told me she had to be home at ten to one."Recipe for disaster?DASHING Italian chef Gino D'Acampo hosted a special day at Nick Nairn's Cook School, and after plenty of hugs and photos with the customers dashed to Glasgow Airport where, en route, he found a piece of paper in his pocket with a phone number and the words 'stay with me the next time you are in Scotland'. Gino, who had no idea who it was from, said it was a lovely gesture but since there were a couple of men alongside the ladies in the class, he would pass on the offer.Jagged edgeGLASGOW Commonwealth Games cartoonish mascot Clyde the thistle has been unveiled. Not everyone is convinced. "Is a thistle not a bit weedy for an athletic mascot?" asked a reader.Minister for financeSCRAMBLES, and the Rev David Keddie recalls when he was minister at Drumchapel Old Parish Church on a wet Saturday afternoon and he suggested to the kids waiting for the cash at a wedding that they could shelter inside.Says David: "'It's all right Faither', said one wee girl, 'we'll just stay out here.' 'Shut up you,' snapped one of the others, 'he's no' a real faither, he's allowed tae hae weans!' Clearly the ecumenical movement had enjoyed some success." Middling successWE asked if grown-ups could remember Alien War at Glasgow's Arches 20 years ago when youngsters screamed frantically when shadowy alien creatures jumped out. Admits Heather Macintosh: "I had no real idea of what it was about. Needless to say, I learned very quickly that I shouldn't be caught leading the pack or, for that matter, be caught at the back either. So, nestling in the middle, I then went on to be scared witless. I'm not ashamed to say that I shoved past a child to get to the exit first!"

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A fare effort

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