THE Edinburgh International Film Festival programme was launched this week with the Institut Français d'Ecosse as one of the venues.
A receptionist at the Institut tells us that a chap once phoned and asked with some urgency if she could translate the French phrase “Frotti Frotta”.
Nervously wondering where the conversation was going, she told him it meant flirting, or foreplay.
“Thanks hen,” replied the chap before hanging up, “that’s my crossword finished.”
Simple mistake
WE asked for your taxi tales, and Douglas Hutchison in Kilcreggan tells us: “Jim Kerr of Simple Minds told the story of getting a taxi from Glasgow Airport, and the driver, looking in the mirror, stated, ‘Youse famous? Are youse in River City?’.”
When Jim (pictured above) explained that he was in fact in a band called Simple Minds, the driver got excited and shouted: “Oh, Simple Minds! Ma wife just loves that Mick Hucknall!”
Horse play
SOMETIMES we like a joke because it’s just plain daft. So thank you John Daly in Houston for telling us about the two American tourists ordering horse steaks in a Glasgow restaurant.
“We don’t eat horse over here,” the waitress told them.
“So how come that guy over there just ordered mare soup?” asked one of the Yanks.
Day of destiny
OLD Firm fans are still talking about Sunday’s exciting conclusion to the league season.
Annie McLaughlin says that on Sunday, which is known in the Catholic calendar as Good Shepherd Sunday, the priest at St Aloysius Church, Chapelhall, Airdrie, delivered a sermon about the significance of the day and the role of Jesus as a good shepherd.
Says Annie: “Speaking to one of the younger parishioners afterwards, he asked the boy if he remembered which Sunday it was that day.
“The boy, his mind clearly on higher matters, replied, ‘It’s Helicopter Sunday Father!’”
The artist’s sole
ARTIST Emma Semple, who has a show at Glasgow’s RGI Kelly Gallery just now, says she was walking on Sanna Bay at Ardnamurchan, looking for inspiration, when she came across a trainer in the rocks encrusted with shells and living sea creatures.
She was tempted to take it home and incorporate it in her show, but decided against it as she felt there might have been health and safety issues for the gallery.
“Even Damien Hurst’s sheep was deceased and preserved in formaldehyde before it went on display,” she explains.
Arbor-erratum
LYRICS continued. “I was a bit confused by the Johnny Tillotson 1960’s hit with the lyrics ‘Oh! A tree in motion, walking by my side’. All became clear when I saw the title in print – Poetry in Motion,” says Norman Dryden.
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