Our stories about the late great Arthur Montford remind a Muirend reader of Arthur introducing the players at a pro/am competition at Whitecraigs Golf Club some years ago when Arthur's fellow broadcaster Cliff Hanley stepped up to drive off.

"Giving a golf club," announced Arthur, "to a player like Cliff, is like giving a Stradivarius to a chimp."

Alas Cliff's score has not been recorded for posterity so we have no way of comparing his golfing skills to the musical talents of chimpanzees.

BUS drivers can get a bit stressed at this time of year, what with the crowds, and people who don't normally use this form of transport. Christina Martin was trying to visit a patient in hospital, but unsure of the right bus, asked a driver if he went anywhere near Drumchapel Hospital.

"Not unless I'm ill," he replied.

GREAT to see our new stablemate The National continuing after its first trial week. As Andy Bollen tells us: "My friend was in London on Friday, the fifth and final day of The National's initial five-day run. As a staunch advocate of independence and keen to support the paper, he panicked and phoned his wife to ask if she could pick up a copy. She duly obliged, entered the newsagent and bought him The Independent."

OUR tales of toilet paper lead John McGowan in West Sussex to reminisce: "I well remember the days when newspaper was in common use in the toilet. My father had his opinion on how he rated the various newspapers. He would say, 'The Citizen is too soft, the Times gets too soggy, but on the whole The Herald is the best'." What a great recommendation!

Facebook has changed the way we act, and not always for the better. As a West End reader drily observed yesterday: "Remember the olden days when we took photos of our Christmas trees and took them round to show our friends. Endlessly. Naw? Me neither..."

DAVID Will reads in The Herald that Scots actor Alex Norton once took heroin which "was an extreme example of Method acting." David wonders if once he stopped taking it, he then tried Methadone acting instead.

TYPING too quickly, we described the great gangster pub in London as the "Bling Beggar Pub" instead of the "Blind Beggar Pub." "The Bling Beggar Pub?" asks reader Bruce Skivington. "I suppose with all the publicity, it has moved upmarket."

NOT everyone is au fait with all the trendy clothing companies. Andrew Fogarty was in the Braehead branch of the brand Superdry when a woman held up a pair of underpants with the name "Superdry" across the front and her confused husband asked: "Are they for those of us prone to the odd wee leak now and again?"

HEARTS were put to the sword at the weekend by Celtic in the Scottish Cup. However Hearts fans were angry at referee Willie Collum giving Celtic a soft penalty. We had to smile at the Hearts fan who told us the chap in front of him at the game commented: "We really need to get a man marker on Willie Collum - he's the stand-out Celtic man every time we play them."

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "I phoned my wife earlier. 'I'm just finishing at work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on the way home?' It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins."