Parrot showed he’s still down to earth by asking the audience at the Old Fruitmarket: “Is there anyone in from Greenock?” When a woman put her hand up, he merely asked: “Any chance of a lift back after the gig?”
Framed
AND Fred on stage is not the cuddly character from his Radio Scotland show. When said woman took his photograph, Fred told her: “You’re from Greenock? If you scroll back the pictures on that digital camera, you’ll eventually find whose it is.”
Getting the wind up
JAMIE Stewart was on a bus in the west end’s Byres Road when a rough looking chap boarded and sat beside a rather posh elderly lady from Kelvinside in the seats reserved for the elderly and infirm.
Minutes later the jaikie broke wind so loudly it could be heard by all the passengers.
“Don’t worry, hen,” he turned and told the shocked Kelvinside lady. “They’ll probably think it was me.”
The bus was in such an uproar the poor woman got off at the next stop.
Stain on her character
“WHENEVER I see a woman with a tattoo,” said the loudmouth in the pub, “I think to myself, ‘Here’s a girl who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future’.”
Life and soul
OUR Washington correspondent tells us former President George W Bush has just signed a huge deal to write his memoirs. “Are you using a ghostwriter?” Bush was asked. “No,” he replied, “the guy’s still alive.”
Mourning rolls
JANET White tells us of a conversation in a chip shop the other night where a customer asked for three buttered rolls. “I’ve no’ got any,” the member of staff replied.
“That’s rubbish!” said the exasperated customer.
“Aye, well,” said the woman serving, “they’re called morning rolls for a reason.”
Protection racket
FORMER England rugby captain Lawrence Dallaglio cycled from Rome to Edinburgh to raise £1m for Sport Relief last week, with the trip finishing at Murrayfield. Former Scotland players Gavin Hastings and Kenny Logan met Lawrence there, with Lawrence declaring: “Big Gav with Kenny Logan -- I always need a bit of protection coming into Murrayfield.”
A toastie to new pub
NEW pub and ceilidh venue Ghillie Dhu opened in Edinburgh last week, with launch guests reminiscing about the days when the former church was the Stanley Casino. One girl exclaimed: “Last time I was in here I got a free cheese toastie.”
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