A newfound focus

Diary Editor

Monday 11 March 2013

PEOPLE take up hobbies for a variety of reasons.

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Ken Smith

Gerry McCulloch was in a camera shop in Glasgow's Merchant City discussing the merits of a telescopic lens with the assistant when the door burst open. "Haw Jimmy!" announced the new arrival. "Ah've just gied up the drink an' ah'm lookin' fir another hobby. Oany cheap camras?"

Innocent enquiryWHEN did Mothering Sunday become Mother's Day? Anyway, we fervently hope the two children overheard in the supermarket at Silverburn near Glasgow on Saturday didn't disappoint their mum. A reader shopping there heard the little boy and girl discussing what to buy their mother when the girl said: "We could get her some bath stuff."The boy looked puzzled as he replied: "What? Bleach?"Mutt and JeffUNEXPECTED television hit last week was the extensive coverage of the Crufts dog show. One woman was heard telling her friends: "I quite enjoy watching Crufts, but I can't this year – my dog keeps attacking the TV when it's on.""Tell him it's not real," said one of her pals."I did. But did he listen? Oh no."Any other daft dog stories?White mischiefSTRANGE weather in Glasgow yesterday, with snow one minute, sunshine the next. As one old chap was heard to comment in Govanhill: "The snow's gone into full politician mode. It's lyin'."Scants consolationJOGGING continued. Says Mary Mair from Cumnock: "Arriving late for our regular run, one of our group quickly whipped off his tracksuit and set off to catch us. When he caught up we noticed he was running in his Y-fronts. Bewilderment followed because he clearly remembered putting his running shorts on."They were eventually found inside his tracksuit bottoms in the back of his car." Vulgar factionWE asked for your stories about the British Army in Germany and Alastair Breckenridge in Troon tells us: "Our 'posh' school's Combined Cadet Force was entertained to a fortnight in Germany by the Army Recruitment Service. Living in barracks we couldn't understand why the regulars wouldn't speak to us."Unbeknown to us the CO had told them not to use the F-word in our company. At last, one of them heard us use it, and suddenly they discovered they could speak English, and became very friendly."Comment to beA SMUG father tells us he feels a certain amount of vindication in his claims that his wife constantly makes comments about his driving, although she denies it.Then last week his young daughter piped up from the back: "Dad, who told you how to drive before you married Mum?"Fantasy island OUR story about Shetland being in a box on the map reminded David Steele: "The late, lamented Dundee singer Michael Marra said he loved to visit Shetland because you could get a map there with the British Isles in a wee box at the bottom."

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A newfound focus

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