A tenor for the loo?

Diary Editor

Tuesday 18 September 2012

ROADWORKS on Gairbraid Avenue, Maryhill, uncovered an old, below-ground gents toilet.

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Ken Smith

Writer Deedee Ciddihy was standing near it when an old Maryhill worthy told her that another gents toilet, further up the road, but now demolished, was known as The Maryhill Opera House due to the fact that it was frequented by customers from the nearby pubs who, after chucking out time, were inclined to burst into song while using the facility.

FootlooseWE asked for your George Square stories and retired policeman Ronnie McAlpine recalls just finishing night-shift when he saw a nice pair of gents shoes at the stairs of the Post Office building. As he couldn't see anyone around, he took the shoes over to a well-known dosser asleep on one of the George Square benches and gave the shoes to him as they fitted perfectly.Recalls Ronnie: "I was then met by a shoeless young gentleman who stated that he had been to a wedding reception in the Ingram Hotel and, having consumed rather a lot of drink, had hidden the shoes behind the pillars at the front of the Post Office building. I told him that I had seen a pair as he had described heading towards Queen Street Station."Have you heard?FANS of Liverpool FC are unhappy of course that the club is currently fourth bottom of the English Premiership. As one supporter put it: "I finally figured out why Liverpool have been such a joke lately. Their last three managers have been an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman."Home from homeSCOTS comedian Craig Ferguson, now presenting a late-night television show in America, hasn't forgotten his roots. Commenting the other night on American talent shows having English judges such as Simon Cowall and Piers Morgan, Craig argued: "I don't like watching judgmental English people being mean to struggling performers. If I wanted to see that, I would have stayed in Britain."Notable escapeSCRAMBLES continued. A reader tells us of a chap in Rothesay, the owner of a local shop some years ago, who was getting married for the fourth time. As the wedding car left the church, he wound down the window and threw out a bundle of one pound notes. Recalls our reader: "As the car sped away, so did the pound notes, which the crowd were frantically trying to grab."It turned out that our groom had tied them with threads and had not let go."Artificial intelligenceWE are told about the Glasgow woman who signed up to a computer dating company and stated that she didn't care about looks, income or background, as long as she met a man of upright character.They matched her up with a chap who had said that the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence.The computer had immediately seized upon the one thing they had in common – they were both pathological liars.

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A tenor for the loo?

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