OUR tale of nightclub stewards in Glasgow reminds a young reader of being asked for identification at a Glasgow club to prove he was legally entitled to sup alcohol.
Behind him, a more senior gentleman, with a girl half his age on his arm, tried to joke with the doorman: "Why don't you ask for my ID?"
Full marks, says our reader, to the steward for replying: "Bus passes don't count."
Road to ruin
DAVID Tollen in Maryhill reads the news story in The Herald about calls to have driving licences revoked at the age of 70.
"Can someone," says David, "ask the Tories how on earth am I going to get to work in 40 years time?"
Tooth and ear ache
OUR tales of music played at the dentist's remind Charles Provan in Larkhall: "Before treatment started the dentist noticed on my records that I was allergic to latex and ordered the nurses to change gloves. He asked me, 'Are you allergic to anything else?' To which I replied, 'Yes, country and western music'. He duly changed the CD to Frank Sinatra."
COMBATIVE Glasgow Labour MP Ian Davidson, not the tallest of politicians, was in a bit of a fankle recently after he was accused of bullying an SNP MP at Westminster.
Not being at all sympathetic, a fellow Labour Party member was heard to remark: "It was only when I took up golf that I realised that the term, 'a nasty wee five footer' could apply to more than just Ian Davidson".
PUNNING tradesmen continued. Graeme Kerr in Rothesay says: "A van seen around Lochgoilhead a while back was ostensibly owned by one Mike the Knife. It further informed the passer-by that he was a 'new edge traveller' and passed on the wish that they should 'have a knife day'."
Flag in a flap
IT would have been enough to warm the cockles of Alex Salmond's heart. The UK Supreme Court, his most favourite institution, flew the Scottish saltire yesterday to mark St Andrew's Day. What would not have pleased the First Minister is that it was flying beneath the Union flag.
MORE Highland canniness. Gordon Casely recalls thumping his car off a track in the Cairngorms National Park and taking it to a local garage where the owner viewed the car's leaking sump.
When Gordon anxiously asked if it was badly damaged, he was given the memorable reply: "Na na, Gordon. Nae damaged – jist buggert".
EDINBURGH Lord Provost George Grubb will be on duty on Sunday with his chain of office to meet at Edinburgh Airport the two pandas heading for Edinburgh Zoo.
As he was heard to tell his officials: "If I ever write a book about my time as Lord Provost, I could include a chapter on the people I have met – the Queen, the Pope and two pandas."
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