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All smiles on the night

PARENTS are out in force at school shows this week.

One father of a young chap at a south side primary praised his performance afterwards as they left the school and told him: "You all looked so happy."

The seven-year-old, wise beyond his years, replied: "The smiles were fake, Dad. But we had to do them."

Run, Margaret, Run

A READER going through airport security was behind a chap who had dawdled a bit and was well behind his wife who had already gone through. When the chap at the desk stopped him and asked for his boarding pass, the traveller said his wife had it, and bawled out: "Margaret, come back!" The security chap turned round and said: "Margaret. Now's your chance. Run."

No admittance

PILOTS continued. Says David Muirie: "Following your piece about automatic landing systems, I recall being on a BA flight from Heathrow to Glasgow on a filthy night and had a very bumpy landing. The pilot came on the PA system and advised that the landing had been completely automatic.

"Behind me were two stewardess, one of whom said to the other, 'No way was he going to admit that was one of his own.'"

An accidental slip?

JANETTE from the Krankies still seems to be hurting about her accident when she fell from the beanstalk while appearing in pantomime at the Glasgow Pavilion. This year she is at the SECC in Dick McWhittington. At one point she told the audience: "Oh I could do with a sleep. I wonder what's on at the Pavilion?"

Unfair Janette. Surely it's behind you?

Train of thought …

GREAT train robber Ronnie Biggs has died. Tim Walker in Johnstone was reminded how long ago the robbery was when he sat between two students on the Glasgow to Ayr train yesterday and one of them remarked: "That's that Ronnie Biggs deid."

"Who?" replied her pal.

"Ronnie Biggs - you know the great train robber."

"Who'd wanna steal a train?" her pal continued.

… is leaving

OR as the chap in the Glasgow pub last night said: "Of course it's a lot easier to stop a train these days if you want to rob it. All you need is a few leaves."

No danger

A RECENT scare story from the No camp about Scottish independence was that somehow Scotland would lose out on popular TV programmes in the future. No doubt true, but we did wonder what Scottish programmes could be made if the Yes vote won.

Corporation Street - about Glasgow councillors and their foreign trips.

Sash in the Attic - an ageing Orangeman talking about the old days.

The Ex Factor - tenement dwellers organise their own repairs to save a few bob.

Any more suggestions? Dinner for two at Glasgow's Urban Brasserie for the best.

Master of letters

"I'M just listening to some students on a Christmas day out," says reader David Martin. "'I hate writing,' one said, 'I'm so unarticulate.'

"Yes, quite."

Keep 'em rolling in

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "The Subway chain is looking to take on more staff."

He then adds before wandering off: "They've hundreds of rolls to fill."

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Arts and Entertainment

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