AN EDINBURGH reader tells us she was in a smart Stockbridge deli when a young chap asked: "Do you sell whales' eggs?"
The assistant thought about this briefly before asking: "Do you mean quails' eggs?"
There was an even longer pause before the potential customer answered: "Maybe."
"I'M on these tablets," said the chap in the Glasgow pub the other night, "which lists amongst the possible side-effects that I might lose all sense of taste."
He then added: "True enough. The next day I started watching Big Brother on the telly."
No place like Rome
THE resignation of Barclays Bank chairman Marcus Agius reminds some readers of the hit film Gladiator. "Wouldn't it have been great," says one Diary fan, "if his resignation speech began: 'My name is Marcus Agius, commander of Barclays, loyal servant to the chief executive Bob Diamond. Father to a murdered bank. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next'."
ROY White from Paisley was visiting America's Grand Canyon where he wonders if the park authorities don't have a high regard for the intelligence of its visitors. A sign detailing tours of the canyon emphasises that both the sunrise and sunset tours "only depart once per day".
REMEMBER when you wanted your children to smile in a photograph and all you came out with was: "Say cheese"?
A reader watching an American visitor in Aberdeen taking a photo of her disinterested children at the weekend, heard her tell them: "Smile, or you won't be on Facebook."
OUR mention of advice from golf pros reminds entertainer Andy Cameron: "I started playing 42 years ago and went to Stephen Bree at Cathkin Braes for a series of lessons which helped me tremendously, although I doubt if they helped Stephen very much.
"I always remember his tip: 'You should think about cutting 18 inches off your clubs'.
"When I asked if this would help my swing Stephen said: 'No but it'll make it easier for you to get them into the bin'."
Mark of discontent
IT was a great Euro final on Sunday night of course, perhaps only marred for some by truculent commentators. As reader Michael Bruce in Glasgow remarked: " My enjoyment of the final was ruined by a severe technical problem with the BBC coverage – Mark Lawrenson's microphone was working perfectly."
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