AFTER the weekend's variety show on the telly, a reader writes: "I'm losing faith in the British public and their right to vote.
First Cameron, and now a dancing dog."
A TORY supporter contacts us: "Did you see the thousands of police officers marching through London last week protesting at Government reforms?
"So there you are. The Government promised to put more police officers on the streets, and they've achieved it."
RANGERS fans are in a tizzy at the news of Charles Green being the new preferred bidder for the club. It will mean the last two owners of Rangers being Green and Whyte, which makes them a tad uncomfortable. And wondering whether Charles Green will be good for the club isn't helped by an anagram of his name being "Rangers leech".
Meanwhile the gags continue. If you know the recent pronouncements of Rangers manager Ally McCoist then you will appreciate the latest: "A Rangers fan texts me to break the news that his club has rejected the opportunity of starting in the English Conference premier league as a newco next season. Apparently they don't do Woking away."
THE sayings of bosses continued. David Macleod in Edinburgh recalls one old boss who verbally painted a vivid picture by accusing one chap of "walking around with his head in the sand".
Fuel for thought
OUR Formula One fanatic tells us: "So Lewis Hamilton was penalised at the Spanish Grand Prix because his race company McLaren didn't put enough fuel in his car?"
He added: "But at 145p a litre, can you really blame them?"
OVERHEARD in a Glasgow pub the other night: "The doctor looked me squarely in the eye, and said I should give up drinking immediately as it was doing untold damage to my liver.
"So I told him, 'You always say that when it's your round. Get the beers in, you skinflint'."
In loo of good English
READER Bob Byiers ends our mistranslation stories by reminding us of the old yarn of the British politician arriving at a foreign airport to be greeted by a large welcoming party. Says Bob: "As the leader of the delegation made a welcoming speech in faultless English, the politician realised that he did not have enough of the language of the country even to begin his reply with the equivalent of 'Ladies and Gentlemen'.
"Spotting two toilet doors with words written on them he thought he had solved his problem. He got a somewhat strange reaction and learned later he had addressed the welcoming committee as 'Toilets and Urinals'."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.