GLASGOW Garden Festival continued.
Airdrie lawyer Frank Nicol recalls that his then student son had a temporary job on the trams running at the festival.
At the same time Frank received an invitation to a pretentious Glasgow West End party where a posh lady asked Frank what his son did for a living. “He’s a conductor,” replied Frank.
“Has he ever met Andre Previn?” she gushed.
JOHN Rees tells us that this week is the 50th anniversary of the first schools’ cruise leaving the Clyde. Yes, younger readers, your parents could indeed cruise the Med with their school chums, swanning about foreign climes without their parents, on ships such as the Uganda, the Nevassa, and the Dunera.
One such cruiser, from Girvan, tells us that all the boys bought flick-knives in Lisbon, making them feel cool.
But on the last night the ship’s security officer announced a knife amnesty if boys would just drop them on their cabin floors. Throughout the night the clatter of metal hitting the decks could be heard as the young lads lost their cool.
Send in your tales about educational cruises. They will be much appreciated.
“DID you see that American airline Southwest grounded its older Boeing 737s when a 5ft hole appeared in one plane’s fuselage?” said the chap in the pub.
“If it was Ryanair,” said his pal, “they would probably just charge you extra for having a sunroof.”
AN AYRSHIRE reader commuting to Glasgow watched as six female joggers, all with water bottles, wandered along Alexandra Parade chatting to each other.
“Would they not be as well doing that at each other’s houses in the evenings, rather than dressing as joggers and heading out at 8am to do it?” he wonders.
Food for thought
A GLASGOW woman who announced she was getting married was surprised when her twice-divorced feminist pal told her to immediately start cooking her future husband meals. When she asked why, her pal replied: “So by the time you’re ready to poison him he won’t be suspicious.”
SPRING is in the air, and suburban dwellers turn their minds to extensions and conservatories. We remember the chap in Bearsden building an extension who was approached by a chap offering to sell him suspiciously cheap bricks.
Not wishing to overlook a bargain, he agreed – only to discover the brick seller had taken the bricks already stacked in the back of his garden and delivered them to the front.
When he went to the police, they warned him that if they were to arrested the thief, they would have to arrest him as well for buying stolen goods.
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