Blue and red-faced

Diary Editor

Friday 20 January 2012

SO what has former Scottish Liberal Democrat leader Tavish Scott been up to now that the SNP has taken over and he no longer is a Scottish Government minister?

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Ken Smith

Well just the other day he put down the parliamentary question: "To ask the Scottish Executive for what reason local authorities are allowed to charge up to £20 for a Blue Badge."

That will show them, Tavish. Unfortunately the reply from Transport Minister Keith Brown is: "The fee was increased, by Tavish Scott, from not exceeding £2 to not exceeding £20 from 1 April 2007."

Oops.Name dropperWE mentioned that folk can get a bit confused when they go into hospital. A Glasgow reader tells us: "My mum is an active member of Amnesty International and participates in their letter-writing campaigns. On admission to hospital, not wanting to be idle, she wrote to several heads of states. After writing her first letter and passing it for posting, a nurse sidled in and asked mum gently if the King of Nepal was a personal friend of hers."Ready to split?RETIREMENT continued. An Ayrshire reader tells us about joining a pensioners' 10-pin bowling club to pass some of his increased leisure time. He enjoyed it so much he thought about buying his own bowling ball and asked a member how much it would cost."Don't know," she replied. "I inherited it when one of the older members died – hang about and you'll get one the same way."SOPA so good"THE Wikipedia blackout is over," says a reader. "At last we can now find out what SOPA is."No buddie of hisIT'S terrible stereotyping folk. But Willie Gibson couldn't help himself when he went into a bar on the Caribbean island of Curacao, and worked out that the sign in Spanish behind the bar read: "If you please – no knives or guns in the bar"."Do you get many guys from Paisley in then?" Willie asked the barman, but got no reply."Must be a St Mirren fan," thought Willie.Rogue predictionsINDEPENDENCE oddities continued. With the SNP announcing the referendum will be held in 2014, we recall that Alan Clements, head of content at STV, wrote in his political thriller Rogue Nation, set in the future, but published nearly three years ago, that the referendum was indeed held in 2014. When we asked Alan, hubby of broadcaster Kirsty Wark, about his perspicacity, he told us: "When I pointed this out to Kirsty she told me that when she married Mr Right she didn't know his first name was Always."Unreliable witnessWE move on from Jehovah's Witnesses to other doorstep callers. John Bannerman says that some 50 years ago there were indeed gypsy ladies who went door-to-door selling clothes-pegs and other household items.Says John: "My wife told our then five-year-old daughter to tell the gypsy that she wasn't in. Opening the door, the wee lass blurted out her first-ever lie, 'My mum is not in.'"Glancing upstairs, she continued, 'Sure you're not, mummy'."

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