READER John Bannerman was at Greenock bus station when he watched a ned pull up his trouser legs, exposing a pair of ladies knee-length leather boots, still sporting price-tags.
The shifty chap then pulled them off and put on a pair of scuffed trainers he had in a plastic bag.
In certain parts of the country, muses John, you would assume the chap was a cross-dresser. Sadly in Greenock he was more likely to be a shoplifter.
Watts the story
SCIENTISTS claiming they have found particles that travel faster than the speed of light was being discussed after a Glasgow church service yesterday. “Didn’t,” opined one elderly lady, “the speed of light slow down when we changed to those energy-saving bulbs?”
STUDENT tales continued. Mark Johnston recalls a class at Glasgow Uni when the biology lecturer handed out plastic beakers containing acid in which to preserve samples, and told the students not to open them.
Says Mark: “My friend opened his and promptly spilled the contents in his lap. In a panic, he shouted out what had happened and the lecturer told him to get down to the front immediately. As he leapt over seats the lecturer filled a jug with water, and when my friend reached the front the lecturer threw the contents of the jug in the direction of his crotch.
“Then, turning slowly to the rest of us, he said in a bored voice, ‘The acid is actually harmless, but that’s what happens to people who don’t listen to me.’”
Kip it up
AND our story of the student sleeping through his class reminds John Duffy: “All students for the priesthood in Rome attended the Gregorian University, where the exams were oral and in Latin. A student of the Scots College turned up, only to hear the professor say, ‘Who are you? I’ve never seen you before! You cannot take the exam.’
“Dismayed, the student put his head in his hands. ‘Sorry,’ said the professor, seeing the top of his head, ‘I recognise you now.’”
Contort and joy
READER Eddie Orme hears our favourite radio quote of the week when a Radio Scotland football commentator described a young, nervous footballer: “He’s like a rabbit caught in the limelight.”
Oh, the irony
GUS Ironside, development co-ordinator for Brain Tumour UK, posts on Facebook: “Five minutes ago I was almost run over by someone pushing a wheelchair. Can you imagine the headline? ‘Man Called Ironside Killed By Wheelchair.’”
Soya think you’re cool?
THE Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, the former RSAMD in Glasgow, was briefly occupied by protesters denouncing the college’s decision to charge tuition fees. Conservatoire staff, trying to be helpful, brought over some tea and coffee for the protesters. “Milk and sugar?” asked a demonstrator and this was brought over too. “Soya milk?” then one asked. “Sorry, only normal milk,” said the member of staff.
The protesters then unleashed a barrage of protests about what is “normal”. Said a member of staff: “You can’t win. But to their credit they tidied up before they departed.”
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