WHO could fail to be a fan of Scottish eloquence?
Tom Dowds in Cumbernauld tell us: "My daughter was listening to a news item on Spanish television about the local elections in the UK. The only Scot interviewed said he was not going to vote, and when asked why, he replied that the parties 'are two cheeks of the same bum'."
Cracking a joke
ALISON Spring points us towards an American website which publishes stories about dealing with the public where a worker in a Scottish museum writes: "During an activity session, children had to guess what a mystery object was – in this case, some tobacco leaves. They couldn't guess it was tobacco, so I said: 'Well, it's a good thing you don't know what this is. You're all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?'
"One child shouted, 'Crack!'"
"MY wife always likes to put on a happy face," said the chap in the pub the other night.
"Which might explain why she got sacked from the make-up counter at a department store."
OUR stories of misunderstandings by call centre staff remind David Martin: "I remember ordering books by telephone, and the person on the other end asked, 'How do you spell Menzieshill?' I replied, 'Exactly as you say it.'
"I guess it was lost on someone without a Scottish tongue."
A new day
A FORMER colleague, now a freelance worker, told us yesterday: "Bank holiday Monday – or as we self-employed call it – Monday."
List of skills
AN ABERDEENSHIRE reader was visiting his 10-year-old grand- daughter who was excitedly telling him about her cheerleading course, and reading from the leaflet about what they were being taught. She explained she could do a backward roll, a handstand and a back flip. Reading further, she announced: "And I can do an ektektekt!"
Not knowing this particular feat of gymnastics, he took the leaflet and read at the end of the list "Etc, etc, etc."
In a tangle
A SHAWLANDS reader tells us about a young schoolgirl on his bus into town last week who told her pal: "My dad thinks he's a bit of a comedian. When I asked him what spiders ate, he said, 'I'm not sure. Why not check the web.'"
See no evil
SIR Malcolm Rifkind's tale of mis-translations reminds Moira Uggla in Sweden: "I remember some time ago when the proverb 'Out of sight, out of mind' came out as 'Invisible and crazy.'"
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.