SCOTLAND can seem a foreign country to our cousins down south.
Peter Drummond notices in the TV Times, where the thriller series Shetland is being discussed, that it helpfully provides a map of Scotland – and circles Orkney to show readers where Shetland is.
It reminds us of the Scottish journalist who was asked by a London newspaper to nip to Shetland from Aberdeen – the London chap had looked up a map where Shetland was in a box just off the north-east coast.
A READER recalling a stay in hospital tells us the woman in the next bed was asked her religion by the nurses and she replied: "None."
As the nurses were walking past our reader's bed, one muttered to the other: "She doesn't look like a nun to me."
IT'S World Plumbing Day on Monday – unless of course it doesn't arrive, in which case you phone up and it's rearranged for a week on Tuesday.
It reminds us of the doctor who phoned the local plumber to complain about his toilet being blocked, and insisted that the plumber come out that very evening.
So the plumber arrived, threw two aspirin tablets into the toilet and told the doc: "If it's still blocked in the morning, phone my office."
TALKING of such events, it was World Book Day yesterday. One reader says he misread it as World BO OK Day, and went to work without any deodorant.
JOGGING continued. Stuart McIntosh recalls running in the lanes of Lanarkshire with Cambuslang Harriers, where runners would amuse themselves by banging on the roofs of cars whose steamed-up windows suggested courting couples were canoodling.
"One night near Uddingston we banged on such a roof as we went past only for the engine to come on. The car was driven straight at us in the narrow hedge-lined lane. Suddenly we went from being harriers to hurdlers," says Stuart.
SOME folk love being on Facebook, others think it has lost its appeal. We pass on the opinion of a Rangers fan on his club's forum for fans: "Used to be on Facebook, then you get all the clowns from yesteryear wanting to be your 'friend'. Stuff that. Who cares what other people do on a minute by minute basis? My missus is never off the thing. In fairness I'm never off this forum discussing the team."
So any amusing tales about Facebook?
SUE Forsyth notices that the speed warning sign at the bottom of the switchback at Bearsden has been flashing 88mph for weeks. Movie fans will know that is the exact speed that the car in Back to the Future time-travels at. Alas, says Sue, Bearsden drivers have still to spot an eagerly anticipated DeLorean.
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