AT the delightfully-named Hotel Colon, in Camagüey, Cuba, reader Edith Ferguson was bemused by a list of rules for guests.

The last one read: "Please do not wear underwear in public places." They evidently do things differently in Cuba.

Woods you believe it?

BRUSHES with the rich and famous.

Back in the 1990s, Carolyn Johnston and her sister were courtesy car drivers for the golfers at the Scottish Open. They were sent to Glasgow Airport to pick up two golfers, Tommy Armour, and a certain unknown by the name of Tiger Woods.

Says Carolyn: "Tiger and his dad invited my sister and me to have tea and sandwiches with them. They were both very friendly and chatty but it is ironic, considering how rich and famous Tiger Woods became, that my sister ended up paying the bill."

Have you had an encounter with a celeb? Let us know, via the usual channels.

Terning point

WE asked for your favourite puns. First to respond was Forbes Smith: "I was birdwatching in Spey Bay in Moray when I saw some terns diving for fish. One successful tern was rapidly followed by one more, equally successful, tern. I thought, 'Well, one good tern deserves another.' Sorry."

Apology accepted.

From Bill Gormley: "A visit by the district nurse to, among other things, take a blood sample from my wife's arm was abandoned, after numerous but unsuccessful attempts.

"As she left the house I was forced to apologise that her visit had been in vein."

Knotty problem

THEN a reader re-animated a seriously old joke: "Anyone know how this rope came to snap in two?"

Came the reply: "Frayed knot."

More tomorrow.

Fast thinker

ROBERT Gardner gets in touch with a particularly astute observation: "They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as you would running eight miles.

"But seriously, who has ever run eight miles in 15 seconds?"

Biting retort

FOOTBALL news, and Colin Chilton reports breathlessly that Liverpool striker Luis Suarez is being linked with a move to Chelsea. Well, he adds, if you can't eat 'em, join 'em.

Closing song

COULD this catch on over here?

Robert Hailstones saw our item about methods of emptying Canadian pubs when closing time arrives.

"In Botswana during the 1970s," he says, "I met a Canadian member of their commission at a drinks do being held by the Nigerian ambassador. As usual, the 8pm departure was ignored as long as the bar stayed open.

"This habit was commented on by the Canadian, who said 'Back home, when we have such occasions, there is no problem. When it's 8pm we just play God Save The Queen'."

Overheated

OVERHEARD at Ayr beach yesterday lunchtime as the temperatures soared and youngsters cooled off in the sea – the first "Ah canny staun' this heat!" of the current sunny spell. Spoken by a lad sitting on the beach wall. Clad in a long-sleeved shirt. And jeans. And heavy boots.