WORRIES about elderly drivers continued.

A Coatbridge reader tells us he discussed with his mother-in-law the fact that her husband had failed to stop at red lights. Trying to defend hubby she replied: "Yes, but not every one!"

"Eventually," says our reader, who reveals his plot to force his dangerous father-in-law off the road, "we disconnected the coil in the car, and sold it when it wouldn't start."

That's pants

UNDERWEAR manufacturer Michelle Mone has divided folk into those who welcomed her posing in a swimsuit for a British Airways commercial, and others who think it is just another example of her seeking publicity.

We did like one chap who commented: "On the whole I'm glad it's Michelle Mone promoting an airline, rather than Richard Branson promoting her brassieres."

One-liner

THE latest showbiz break-up. Phones a reader: "Have you heard the new Coldplay single?

"Chris Martin."

Fare cop

WE asked for your under-age drinking tales and Jen Hogg, now in Netherlee, recalls: "I remember one trip to the pub in St Andrews aged 16 or so.

"Some of us came in from the outlying villages, and it was rather unfortunate that the bus driver who had brought my friend in, turned up in the pub, spotted her with a half of snake-bite-and-black in hand and shouted across the crowded bar at her: 'You paid a half!'"

Team talk

UNUSUAL pronunciations of Scottish football teams by broadcasters and John Boyle in Ardrossan remembers a radio announcer who seemed to think that Dundee United had moved their park to the more exotic location of "Tannadeetchie".

Poor Wullie

AND talking of the exotic in Scotland, Matt Vallance says: "My late Uncle Wullie, who was known as something of a wag in his native village of Muirkirk, always insisted that he had gone somewhere really exotic on his honeymoon - San Quhar."

Night shift

OUR mention of the robust dancing at the Highlanders' Institute in Glasgow reminds Paul O'Sullivan: "My parents used to go to a ceildih in Glasgow on a Saturday evening. At that time dances had to finish before midnight on a Saturday to avoid people having fun on the Sabbath.

"Every Saturday half a dozen big Heilin' cops used to turn up at the ceilidh about 11.30 pm.

"They would check out the dance and all the conditions very seriously, then they would take off their caps and dance reels till five to midnight when they would put their caps back on and tell the band to stop playing."

Tough job

NORMAN Ferguson in Edinburgh notes that the charity Share Scotland is advertising for a "Temporary Female Depute Service Manager" and he wonders how desperate would a man have to be for a job in order to go through the operation to become a temporary female.