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Carriage clocked

FORMER Taggart actor John Michie, now on Coronation Street, says his contract allows him time off to make a Taggart episode if the Scottish cop series is ever revived.

Reader Jim Morrison says a friend was on the London Underground some years ago with his son, sitting opposite the eponymous Taggart star, the late Mark McManus. "Look," said the son. "Taggart."

"No, not Taggart," replied the father. "Mick McManus."

Without looking up from his book the actor told them, "The name's not Mick McManus. The name's Mark McManus. Mick McManus was a wrestler – and not a very good one."

Those were the days

NEWS from Edinburgh, where reader Roderick Slater recounts: "Browsing in a well-known bookshop, I came across a very attractive print of a Murrayfield crowd wildly cheering a Scottish try. It was situated in a section called Rare Prints. Enough said."

They've got it covered

ANOTHER Edinburgh reader phones to say he saw a poster for a Rolling Stones tribute band and was much taken with the line at the bottom of the poster, hinting presumably at the band's set list, which stated: "Satisfaction Guaranteed."

The art of the shatter

THE dumbing down of society continues, it seems. Bob Forsyth in Uplawmoor was on a bus in Glasgow which had on the window beside him the frequently seen exhortation: "In event of emergency break glass." Bob tells us, though, that it now has printed in brackets underneath: "Not by hand."

Being in Glasgow, he was surprised nobody had added the alternative suggestion: "With the heid."

Network rail

THE ubiquitousness of social media is not welcome by everyone. A Stirlingshire reader fulminates: "Sadly I fear it's only a matter of time before the wedding vows in church end with the minister saying: 'I now pronounce you husband and wife.

"'You may now update your Facebook status.'"

Basket case

SOME stories from abroad are worth passing on. Keddie Law in Montrose was in New Zealand where he read in the New Zealand Herald about a shoplifter at a supermarket being caught on CCTV. Police were unable to identify her, so the supermarket put up an enlarged poster of the CCTV pic in their window with the headline "Shopper of the Month. Claim your prize here."

She duly called in for her prize and was nicked.

Heaven's 17

IT was the Scottish Cup at the weekend, but that didn't stop fans discussing the astonishing turnaround in the league involving Rangers and Celtic.

As Andy Cumming texts The Diary: "What's the difference between Guy Fawkes and Santa Claus?"

The answer being, of course: "Seventeen points."

Walking up an appetite

SCOTTISH haikus continued. Writes Andrew Ewan in Dunoon:

The Munro baggers

Like their grub after a climb.

Sort of peaks and troughs.

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