A READER in Glasgow's Sauchiehall Street heard a couple of women discussing a well-known chemist's store with one declaring:
"I'm not going in there. There's always someone badgering me to buy their anti-ageing cream."
"They never do that to me," said her pal smugly.
"Must see you as a lost cause," replied her friend crisply.
Reflecting badly
OUR mention of singer Rod Stewart, pictured, stopping off in Paisley pub the Wee Barrel reminds a reader of one of Rod's first visits to the pub en route to Glasgow Airport. He autographed one of the pub mirrors with a lipstick ... and was told he would be barred if he did it again.
Food for thought
SO Prestwick Airport is being bought by the Scottish Government. We remember the reader who flew in there and was standing behind a Japanese tourist at the restaurant who was pointing at the sausages. "Mash?" asked the buxom Ayrshire lass serving. As he looked confused she said louder: "D'ye want mash wi' that?"
As this didn't seem to help, she elucidated: "Mash, ye ken, tatties, mashed tatties." At that point the young man took his sausages and fled.
Field of dreams?
AN internet review of Prestwick Airport, which Ryanair calls Glasgow Prestwick Airport, revealed: "Got off the plane with some Eastern Europeans who got outside the terminal and remarked that they didn't expect Glasgow to be so rural."
Quizzical
TOURISTS continued. A reader in Aberdeen heard a chap with a foreign accent ask the person with him, after reading a sign outside a local licensed premises: "Do you think pub quiz means asking questions about the pub?"
Child's play
A DOTING grandfather in Milngavie watched his grandson wrestle with a cough bottle, unable to unscrew the cap before Grandad told him: "It's childproof. Children can't open it."
"How does it know I'm a child?" was the not-unreasonable reply.
Keep sake
HUMOUR on the London Underground, where a reader down on business was using the Tube at a busy time of day and heard a member of staff shouting: "Keep left!"
He thought it was quite sharp of the young chap who shouted back: "Who's Keep?"
Quintessential?
WE asked for your five-word jokes and Norrie Johnstone in Kilmacolm suggests "Lonely prisoner - in his cell!" A bit harsher was the English reader who phoned to say: "Scotsman walks out of pub."
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