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Diary Editor

Tuesday 12 March 2013

SCOTTISH dining habits can sometimes seem unique.

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Ken Smith

John Newlands was in a fashionable Italian restaurant in St Andrews when the waiter asked the Fife wifey at the next table, while he proffered a dish of grated cheese: "Parmesan?"

"Just oan ma chips please," the lady replied.

A four-legged friendPOST Crufts we asked for your dog stories, and Iain Gifford in Inverurie recalls: "My wife once bought raffle tickets and, as you do, put different family members' names on each one, including Judy, our dog. As luck would have it, Judy's number came up and she won £50. The problem came when my wife went to pay the cheque into the bank, and the teller had to be convinced that Judy was indeed a family member."My wife used some of the money to buy the dog a new basket. I thought she was daft even to have told Judy she was a winner."Flying highSAD to hear of the death of pub entrepreneur Brian MacDade who successfully ran the Stakis night-clubs and inns some years ago. Susan Young, publisher of the drinks magazine Dram, tells us Brian always told the story that, once when he was down on his luck, he was waiting at Glasgow Airport to fly north in a tiny scheduled plane to get the sack from his job. Just then a former school pal flying to London bumped into him and told him how well he was doing.Brian feared telling the chap how badly he was doing when the pilot of the plane approached Brian and, as he was the only passenger, told him his plane was ready."Private jet," muttered Brian to the old school pal, and walked away with the pilot.See you, JimmyHUGH Steele has been enthralled by the French cop thriller Spiral on BBC4 and its opening credits which include: "Avec le participation de Jimmy." Says a disappointed Hugh: "Now, I have seen every episode since series one, but I have never seen a wee Glesca man wi' a bunnet in any of them." We have to break the news gently to Hugh that Jimmy is a French TV channel. Win-win situation AH the banter. Lisbon Lion Bertie Auld tells the tale in Alex Gordon's splendid history of Celtic in the 1960s, The Awakening, of being in the tunnel before an Old Firm game when Rangers captain John Greig told him: "Bertie, we're picking up £60 a week at Rangers these days. What are you on at Celtic?"Bertie couldn't resist replying: "Just a little bit short of that John. But then we get win bonuses and you don't."A fit 50-somethingWE should end our jogging stories with Peter Eadie telling us: "While warming up for a veterans race in Clydebank, I was mentally complimenting myself on being fit for a 50-plus old codger. I was well and truly deflated when I ran past two young local girls and overheard one say to her friend, 'Look, there's wan wi' t***!'"End of a never very promising running career."

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