YES Hallowe'en tonight, and hands up those who have already eaten the mini Mars bars you picked up for the guisers at the supermarket at the weekend.

A reader on the train home from Glasgow last night heard a fellow traveller opine: "Nothing scares me more on Hallowe'en than trying to have a conversation with the neighbours' children."

Bewitching offspring

A READER in a cheap and cheerful shop in Glasgow's city centre which has Hallowe'en costumes heard an argumentative child tell her mother: "I don't want to be a witch. I was a wtich last year."

"But it suits you," said the mother with, we hope, a certain amount of irony.

Never too old

AND a firefighter swears to us that he had to call round at some pensioners' flats in Glasgow last Hallowe'en to check if the householders had working smoke alarms. One old woman opened the door, saw the uniform, and asked if he was not a bit old for that sort of thing as she handed him some sweets.

Walking tall

CHAP in a Glasgow pub told his mates that he was stopped by traffic cops on the M77 who asked him if he knew why they had asked him to pull over. "Because you want to see how tall I am?" he rather cheekily replied. The unimpressed officer told him: "Please step out of the car sir."

"See, I told you," replied the driver.

Proof of laziness

TRAINSPOTTING author Irvine Welsh from Leith has published his latest novel, set in Miami, The Sex Lives of Siamese Twins. He has now told his fans on Twitter: "If you read Siamese Twins and spotted any errors in it, give me a shout if you can be bothered, with page reference and I'll get it cleaned up in the next edition."

Later in the day he added for clarification: "'Why aren't you doing this yourself, you lazy sod?' people may be inclined to ask. Clue is in last two words of that quote."

Not switched on

WE really will have to give it a rest from going on about Scottish Labour. They've suffered enough. But as nominations finally appear for their new leader, Jay Richardson tells us: "My girlfriend once saw a candidate for the Scottish Labour leadership shopping in MFI, tapping away at a computer that wasn't on or plugged in."

Stepping up to sign

NEARLY 5,000 people have signed an online petition to protest at Glasgow City Council plans to dispense with the steps outside the Concert Hall at the top of Buchanan Street and replace them with a "glass atrium" whatever that would be. A number of signers added their reasons for wanting to keep the steps such as the chap who wrote, perfectly reasonably: "We need high quality public space to faciliate our democratic right to protest."

It being Glasgow, not all of the comments were so erudite.

One person put as the reason for signing the petition: "Cos a mad lassie told me tae." And one reason for retaining the steps might not find support from everyone. "It's a good skate" said another.

Rage and anger

RANGERS are still in the news as fans are vexed about its continuing ownership disputes. So well done reader John Mulholland for this clever word-play: "Has anyone noticed recently the rage and anger within Rangers?"