Claus and effect

Diary Editor

Tuesday 27 December 2011

A POSTSCRIPT to Christmas when on Christmas Day a chap was seen riding a motorbike along Pollokshaws Road in Glasgow dressed as Santa Claus with a toy reindeer attached to the handlebars.

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Ken Smith

"I think that's the insanity clause" said the old chap staring at the zooming figure.

Bored game?

THE big news in England, it seems, was Prince Philip having a small procedure. Or as a Diary reader texted us: "So, Prince Philip has had an operation for Christmas.

"It's an old game, but still a classic."Christmas present?THE Bible updated. One reader suggests the gospels should now read: "And in those days Emperor Augustus decreed that all must return to the town of their birth, that they might sort out their parents' computers."Name of the gameIN the shopping bedlam leading up to Christmas, Steven McKenzie was in Toys R Us in Govan when he heard a mother shout at her daugher: "Ginger! Come here."A chatty fellow shopper couldn't resist asking the woman: "Oh is that her real name?""No," replied the shouting mum. "It's Fiona, but it's ok she likes it. I'm getting her used to it 'cos that's all she'll hear when she goes to school."Knot so goodA GRANDFATHER watching his grandson struggle to untie his Christmas presents commented that at his grandson's age he had already learned at the Scouts how to tie a bowline, a granny knot, a slip knot, and a reef knot.When he asked the grandson if he knew them, the young chap replied: "No I don't, but I'm sure my headphones can do them."Cheap pointA YOUNG Diary reader earnestly asks us: "Why don't they move Christmas to January when everything in the shops is so much cheaper?"Crumbs of discomfortAN EDINBURGH teacher having a well-earned break tells us that just before the school broke up she took in some home-baked biscuits to her five-year-olds. It's a sign of the times, she says, that instead of just devouring them one voice piped up: "Are there any nuts in this?" Which was then followed by: "What about eggs?" from another young voice. And topping them all was a third voice asking: "Are there any hydrogenated fats?"Haute whitherWE asked for your Scottish haikus, and Stephen Gold suggests:Welcome to Glasgow,Where often our haute cuisineIsn'ae all that haute.

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Claus and effect

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