WITH the bondage novel Fifty Shades of Grey riding high in the book charts, we notice that famous Glasgow hardware store Crockets is trying to cash in on its popularity.
A window display including the book also has ropes, masking tape, cable-ties and riding crops with cards stating "Riding crops at spanking prices" and "Our riding crops hit the spot". We've not read the book, but we hope that the saw next to the riding crop is merely part of another display.
Grounds for complaint?
RANGERS latest: a reader phones to tell us that there is further bad news for the club as Ibrox Park has not met the criteria to be a third division ground.
He adds: "It has four stands, floodlights, toilets and a flat pitch."
CONSUMER news, and a reader claims that the new Muller yoghurt flavour Eton Mess was originally going to be called The Coalition Government.
Ale fellow well met
THE world football organisation Fifa has an article in its latest newsletter about funny episodes at games, and, guess what, the only one which mentions a Scotland player, involves drink. Step forward St Mirren player Stevie Thompson whom Fifa recalls: "Thompson gave into temptation during a 2009 pre-season friendly between his club Burnley and Portland Timbers in the USA. After falling over the billboards, Thompson came to rest by a stall promoting beer.
"'I landed on this person's table and I just instinctively grabbed this guy's pint and had a drink,' the player said."
Naturally he was capped by Scotland.
A MILNGAVIE reader realised he was getting old when his daughter, quizzing him about his school days, eventually declared: "So you actually had to do your homework without Google or Wikipedia?"
OUR discussion of what Deep Purple fans wore in the early 1970s prompts this from PR consultant Mike Ritchie: "I saw Deep Purple in Dundee's Caird Hall in 1970. If I remember correctly, I was wearing a home-dyed grandpa shirt, brown loon pants ordered from Melody Maker, a striped waistcoat and off-white sandshoes.
"While I was feeling fashionably pleased, my dad was far from impressed. 'So, this is what a weekend hippy looks like,' he commented."
"HOW many G4S security staff does it take to change a lightbulb?" asks a reader.
"Six soldiers and a policeman," he tells us.
Chauvinist to a tee
AS The Open gets under way at Lytham & St Annes, an Ayrshire reader tells us that there are still a few old chauvinists around at one or two golf clubs. He was in the bar at his own course when a senior member declared: "Golf! The only occasion when a man should have an iron in his hand."
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