THE pictures of flooding on the news remind Arlene Crawford of a similar scene in Paisley a few years ago when a wee wummin rescued by rubber dinghy from her flooded street by Strathclyde Fire Brigade told a news crew: "Ah went tae see a medium last week and she telt me ah wiz gonny go oan a cruise.
"Never telt me it wid be up ma ain street."
LEONARD Bisset in Thornliebank reads the latest football news and remarks: "Motherwell's Rapid Bucharest friendly off – waterlogged pitch. Inverness's match off – waterlogged pitch.
"Would love to ask: Why don't we play football in this country in the summer? Oh wait ..."
HARD to believe there is still the occasional misogynist in Glasgow pubs. One was heard the other night: "I proposed to my ex-wife at the weekend. She said no. Said I was only after her for my money."
STILL, there are women who can get their own back. We hear of the Glasgow chap on the train home who phoned his wife and told her: "I'll be home in five minutes. Put the kettle on."
She merely replied: ''I don't think the kettle wants to talk to you right now.''
Only in Edinburgh ...
CANADIAN comedian Mae Martin, preparing for this year's Edinburgh Fringe, has vivid memories of last year's festival when she did an outdoor gig on top of Arthur's Seat and then got lost coming down. "Clutching my guitar and rucksack, I followed a dirt path that got narrower and narrower until it abruptly stopped," she tells us.
"I had come down such a steep incline I was unable to move without falling down the mountain. I had to call 'help!' until some German tourists rescued me and said the path I had been following was 'a path for sheeps'."
Yes, a typical night out in Edinburgh.
Wind of change
CAR news, and John Cochrane notices: "French company Renault have discontinued their sports model the Renault Wind in the UK.
"Probably too many people passing it."
"REVISIT your youth of ringing doorbells and running away," says a frustrated reader who stayed in for a delivery, "by becoming a Royal Mail delivery driver."
Cry me a river
MORE than one-third of Scots watched Andy Murray's Wimbledon final on the telly, and praised him for his emotional response to coming second. But some tennis fans down south have still to be won over by Andy. One phones to tell us: "Wimbledon is now on a full flood alert.
"Andy Murray is going back for the Olympics."
We moderate all comments on HeraldScotland on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules, which are available here.
Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.