A WEST of Scotland drama teacher tells us she was discussing with a class the ability of some actors to cry when it suits them.
The teacher explained: "They think of something that usually makes them cry. Try it yourselves."
She then asked the class after a couple of minutes what they had been thinking about, and one non-crying girl replied: "Onions."
Make an appointment
A CHAP in a Glasgow pub was being asked by his pals how his date with a dentist had gone.
"She said she had a great time," he told them, " and that she would like to see me again in about six months."
GOOD to see the Queen released from hospital. Prince Charles will be especially pleased. As a reader tells us: "He could never find out how his mother was. Whenever he rang up the hospital and said it was Prince Charles, they just hung up on him."
Keep on trucking
PIONEER jogging continued. Says Ian McIntyre from Dumfries: "Years ago when I was out running I spotted friends. Immediately feeling self-conscious, I pulled up the hood on my sweatshirt, put my head down and increased pace.
"I felt some relief in getting some space between me and them, only to suddenly experience anguishing pain to my head. I had run into the tail-gate of a stationery lorry, splitting my head open.
"At least my friends were there to pick me up."
It bodes ill...
THE Scottish Government put out a press release this week stating: "NHS Scotland is safer than ever as latest figures show hospital morality has drastically reduced."
We hope they're not stereotyping the activities of nurses.
TWO women were discussing a mutual friend in a Glasgow coffee shop when one of them came up with the description: "She's so lazy she's even got a snooze button on her smoke alarm."
Age of chivalry
OUR tales of football fans remind Donald Grant in Paisley: "Many years ago I was at a Queen of the South v Rangers match where a local worthy, with one arm round his girlfriend's shoulder, finished a bottle of beer, proceeded to refill it, leaned sideways to place the bottle on the ground beside him without taking his eyes off the match or his arm away from her shoulder. I wonder if today's fans are so gentlemanly?"
A READER who returned from a trip to South America says he really wished he hadn't spoken out loud when his wife was complaining about being bitten by mosquitoes and he mused: "Wouldn't it be great if they sucked fat instead of blood?"
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