ACTOR John Cairney, reflecting on his life in his latest book The Importance of Being, says he was in his local hairdresser's in Glasgow recently when a fussy woman complained about waiting for five minutes without being attended to.
"I've got to be in Comrie in an hour," she complained.
Writes John: "Tommy the hairdresser was unfazed, and in his typical Glasgow way replied, 'Have no fear Ma'am. Comrie's been there for a thousand years, and it's likely to still be there in an hour'."
Iron will
WE are still trying to track down the Scottish politician who was asked if he would wear a copy of the charity T-shirt supporting feminism, and who replied he would, once his wife had ironed it.
PIN money
PAYING for your plastic bags in Scottish shops is proving tricky. Joe O'Neill says he watched his brother at the self-service till in the supermarket when at the end of the transaction a keyboard appeared on the screen. Joe's brother thought it was for his payment, and typed in his PIN, - then wondered why the shop was trying to add more than £300 to the bill for plastic bags. The screen was asking him how many bags he had used at 5p a shot.
Still, at least Joe now knows his brother's PIN.
Left down-hearted
HOLIDAYS can be tricky. Alan Barlow in Paisley tells us: "Just back from a holiday in Spain. Realised I may have picked the wrong hotel when the evening entertainment started with line dancing, followed by bingo, where the top prize turned out to be a heart monitor."
Feeling sheepish
AND an Ayrshire reader reveals: "During a recent holiday in Wester Ross I was sitting in our hotel room poring over a map of the area when my wife said, over my shoulder, 'I love you' and I thought 'that's nice' until I realised she was pointing out the Isle Of Ewe."
Mother tongue
WE liked the response of Glasgow actress Michelle Gomez, who has a starring role in the recent episodes of Dr Who, who was asked in the Radio Times what her young son thought about his mum being on the show. Other mothers will sympathise with her reply: "I'm saving Doctor Who until Harry's older, and can no longer bear to talk to me. Then I'll whip it out, 'Look, your mother was cool once!' He's four and a half and likes shows about dinosaurs, which is proving very educational for his parents - ask me anything about triceratops."
Happy families
TALKING of television, Caroline Leitch on Bute muses: "Three children, their three single parents and their grandparents all living in the same house - an appalling reflection on conditions in Britain. Yes, it can only be Downton Abbey and Lord Grantham's family."
Dog's chance
MSP Kezia Dugdale is standing for the post of deputy leader of the Labour Party in Scotland. Says reader Paul Kerr: "I'd really love to hear newscasters telling us what the latest thoughts are from Deputy Dug Dale."
Taking the Michael
"ARE you going along to the Post Mortem Club?" a reader phones to ask.
"It's open Mike night," he adds before hanging up.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article