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Dotty idea

OUR mention of a dozy Glasgow MP making the error of faxing a letter in Braille to David Blunkett reminds Ian McLean:

"A few years ago,when they were building the new Hermitage Academy in Helensburgh, all the room numbers were in English, Gaelic and Braille. However they ran out of the correct ones with the raised Braille dots and just used signs with the dots printed on them."

Fare play

WE mentioned that Fergus McCann, currently being lauded as the saviour of Celtic, could be a tad grumpy at times. A reader tells us: "Fergus was known by taxi drivers by just four letters when he was in Glasgow - DTJD. He was so fed up at getting advice from the guy in the front of the cab, that he'd get in and mutter, 'Don't talk, just drive'."

Go figure

CONGRATULATIONS to actuary Donald MacLeod for setting a record in Glasgow for the number of jokes told in an hour. His personal favourite? Who is the most courteous Hollywood star? T Hanks. Yes, quite. Anyway, as Paul Jardine tells us: "My father was an actuary and his favourite joke was about the actuary who always carried a bomb in his briefcase when flying because the odds on there being two bombs on the one plane were vanishingly small."

One track mind

CELTIC striker Anthony Stokes has been charged with assaulting an Elvis impersonator in Dublin. We commend the Garda spokesman who stopped himself from saying that the impersonator "was all shook up".

Spend a few pennies

READER Eric Dunn was in a pub in Edinburgh and felt the toilet facilities were a tad unattractive, so he set up a Facebook page for folk to review the facilities of various pubs and public buildings. We like the observation someone made on the site about the loos at the Scottish Parliament: "This controversial structure has at least managed to provide clean, modern, functional facilities. Although free entry, the strict security would discourage anyone in a hurry. In view of the cost of the building, I would estimate my visit to be priced at circa £18,500."

War of words

A READER visiting Norwich on business tells us he passed a warehouse selling cleaning products which is called Hugh Crane Ltd. He wonders if the staff get nervous if any Russian customers turn up.

Nice wee side line

FOOTBALL news, and while Scotland were praised for their win against Poland, England were facing criticism for a lacklustre performance against Denmark. Cheeky Irish bookmakers Paddy Power commented on the game: "England manager Roy Hodgson says he has 'selection headaches' for the World Cup. 'There's just so many talented players I can make look ordinary,' he said."

Well hooked

WE ended our dodgy French translations, but time to just squeeze in one from a Crieff reader: "When I was at Irvine Royal Academy, a fellow pupil translated 'canne à pêche' (fishing rod) in a broad Ayrshire voice as 'can of peaches'."

Thanks to all who got in touch.

Contextual targeting label: 
Football

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