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Dramatic licence

COMEDY writer Phil Differ's show about prison life, Who's Afraid of the Big Bar-L, being performed at Oran Mor during the West End festival, was previewed at Barlinnie, where the prisoners chatted to the performers afterwards.

One prisoner interested in the production was asked if he himself had tried acting. "Yes," he replied. "At Glasgow Sheriff Court. I wasn't very good."

Incidentally, as the play is being performed in Glasgow's West End where some of the harsh prison vocabularly may not be known, producers are debating whether they should have a "signer for the posh" to explain it.

Staple diet

PEOPLE can be a tad harsh at times. A reader in Glasgow heard two women discuss a friend who was struggling keeping her weight under control. "She's had her stomach stapled," one confided. "Stapled to what?" asked her pal. "Greggs?"

Cardinal error

WE asked about tour guides, and Gerry Gill in Kelvindale tells us he was in Sienna, Italy, where the tour guide at the cathedral pointed to a painting of a Cardinal meeting King James V of Scotland in Edinburgh, and added: "Look through the window behind 'is Majesty and you will see the teepical Scottish 'ighland scenery."

Says Gerry: "I looked through said window and saw vineyards, olive groves and poplar trees. It was then I realised that neither the painter nor the tour guide had ever been outside of Tuscany."

Simples souls

CLOSER to home, Ian McLean saw an American couple in Glasgow city centre looking at a poster advertising sightseeing excursions by the company Mercat Tours.

"Arnold, do you want to come and see the meerkats?" one of them asked her partner.

Divine intervention

READER Margie Dobson spotted a car with the number plate "2ERR" and wondered if the family had a second vehicle at home with the registration "24GIV".

Pipe down

TRADITIONAL music group the Tannahill Weavers were playing their hometown of Paisley at the weekend when band member Roy Gullane remarked to the audience that their 32-year-old piper wasn't even born when they released their first album in the 1970s.

"Neither wiz his mammy" shouted someone from the audience, casting aspersions on the good women of Paisley.

It's Gaal talk

DUTCHMAN Luis van Gaal has been appointed manager of Manchester United. A reader down south heard a chap in his local ask: "Do you think his English is good enough to be understood by the players?"

"A lot better than the last two managers," replied a fellow toper.

Positive thinking

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to tell us: "What's so good about England? Well, for a start the flag is a big plus."

Gods and monsters

MOST popular film in the UK last week by far was the monster movie Godzilla.

Jake Lambert explains to us: "His name's actually Zilla. People just thought it was Godzilla because that's what they shout in annoyance when he starts trashing the place."

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Arts and Entertainment

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