WONDERING if there is a different pace of life in other parts of Britain, Richard Fowler from Kirkwall was in a branch of the Co-op in Essex at the weekend where a sign stated "Treat the family this Easter" and they had Hot Cross Buns on sale.

Added Richard: "Meanwhile in Kirkwall, the Christmas lights are still brightly piercing the winter darkness."

Cold comfort

IT'S hard for some people to be good Samaritans. A reader out in Glasgow's city centre at the weekend watched a tipsy young girl go up to a mendicant in a doorway and ask if he would like a slice of pizza. He said he would, but when she handed it over, the chap told her: "It's cold!"

The girl huffily told him: "You're homeless. You're not supposed to be picky," and walked on.

Down Under-estimation

A READER hears legendary Australian bowler Glenn McGrath on Test Match Special declare: "The only hope England have of winning in Australia is Andy Murray."

Close, but no cigar, as they say.

A tale of two cities

THE Guardian's political columnist Simon Hoggart has sadly died. He once wrote about being at a concert during the Edinburgh Festival where he asked a Glaswegian why folk from there could not stand people from Edinburgh. Wrote Simon: "The gist of his reply was that they are far too up themselves. At the concert our tour guide had turned her phone to silent, but the tiny red message light was winking. Afterwards an Edinbourgeois came over and said, 'Your red light completely ruined the concert for me,'"

Simon's daughter Amy performed as a stand-up at the Edinburgh Fringe. As she told her audience: "In my yearbook I was voted the worst and the crappiest. And I was home schooled."

Bounce effect

WE mentioned the death of American singer Phil Everly, and Ron Beaton in Dunblane recalled: "I was at an Everly Brothers concert in Glasgow when 12 of us booked seats on the upper level. During a medley of their greatest hits, everyone was stomping in unison with the music, creating a 'bounce' in the balcony on which we were all now standing. The 'bounce' increased as the music continued and one of our group hastily sat back down, with hands clenched on the arms of the chair, knuckles as white as snow, and the fear of imminent death written on her face.

"Needless to say, we all survived, but our friend had to be prized from her chair before we headed home."

Laid-back interview

A CHAP in a Glasgow pub asked the other night: "Do you ever snore so loud you wake yourself up?"

As his pals nodded in agreement he added: "It happened to me once - worst job interview ever."

Blunt comments

SINGER James Blunt is not to everyone's taste, but he showed a nice line in humour on Twitter recently. When a fan tweeted: "I must be one of only two who genuinely likes every James Blunt song. The other person being him." He replied: "Nope, you're on your own."

When someone else posted: "James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice," the singer added: "And no mortgage."

Slings and arrows

POOR Glasgow-born manager David Moyes is getting some stick for Manchester United's poor form since he took over from Sir Alex Ferguson. As a United fan phoned to tell us: "Manchester United were once the Goliath of English football, then along came David."