SECONDS before the deadline in our portmanteau words contest, Alistair B Fulton sneaked this under the wire: "diaryoea" – a compulsion to send items to Ken Smith.
Please, people, don't let this put you off contributing.
Healthy debate?
A DISTURBING outbreak of Carry On-type humour at Holyrood. Cabinet Secretary Alex Neil MSP, rounding on Lib Dem leader Willie Rennie, confused his medical references, saying he would take a Rennie when he had a headache. Ex-Tory leader Annabel Goldie pointed out that Rennies were in fact for heartburn not headaches. In true Sid James fashion Mr Neil replied: "I would happily take Rennies – but only if they were administered by Annabel Goldie." Labour member for the Lothians, Neil Findlay MSP, was heard to suggest: "Let's hope they're suppositories."
Halo, goodbye?
WE might have guessed that a throwaway line about a radiation protection tartan would lead to other things.
Nina Baker, a Scottish Green Party councillor in Glasgow, attended a civic dinner for leaders of the International Radiation Protection Association when the city was bidding for the conference. "I was bowled over to learn that, not only does The Vatican have its own radiation protection organisation, but that the Pope's representative in such matters was a charming, old-school gentleman who was a Knight Templar. I couldn't help wondering if his role might include the protection of halos..."
Knowing the drill
Jim Connell says he's just been to the dentist for a check-up: "Struck me how alike dentists and car mechanics are. Both say 'Open up' and 'Oh, don't like the look of that – that'll cost you'," he says. Only difference is the mechanic doesn't have a hygienist steam-clean the engine bay before he has a look.
That's a wrap...
PORTMANTEAU words: the long goodbye. Mary Galletly says a friend uses Fairy-Up Liquid when doing the dishes. Simon Andrews: "Since the age of five, my daughter Maddie has referred to November 5th as Bonfireworks Night."
David Michelson: a line of motorists waiting for fuel is an "autoqueue"; a teenage boy's default feeling is "flustration". Stuart Allan proposes "Salmondellaquence" as the way that politicians can gild the lily; Ian Black suggests "bampotteries" as the place where daft people in Stoke live.
And this, from W. Robert Noonan: "If women could only indulge their 'hormoaning' for a few days every month, life would be so much more bearable."
With so many inspired entries, it was, as they say, very hard to pick a winner. But John Samson, of Edinburgh, gets the whisky for "Albadross" – tedious Gaelic programmes. Effusive thanks to all who entered.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article