SECONDS before the deadline in our portmanteau words contest, Alistair B Fulton sneaked this under the wire: "diaryoea" – a compulsion to send items to Ken Smith.

Please, people, don't let this put you off contributing.

Healthy debate?

A DISTURBING outbreak of Carry On-type humour at Holyrood. Cabinet Secretary Alex Neil MSP, rounding on Lib Dem leader Willie Rennie, confused his medical references, saying he would take a Rennie when he had a headache. Ex-Tory leader Annabel Goldie pointed out that Rennies were in fact for heartburn not headaches. In true Sid James fashion Mr Neil replied: "I would happily take Rennies – but only if they were administered by Annabel Goldie." Labour member for the Lothians, Neil Findlay MSP, was heard to suggest: "Let's hope they're suppositories."

Halo, goodbye?

WE might have guessed that a throwaway line about a radiation protection tartan would lead to other things.

Nina Baker, a Scottish Green Party councillor in Glasgow, attended a civic dinner for leaders of the International Radiation Protection Association when the city was bidding for the conference. "I was bowled over to learn that, not only does The Vatican have its own radiation protection organisation, but that the Pope's representative in such matters was a charming, old-school gentleman who was a Knight Templar. I couldn't help wondering if his role might include the protection of halos..."

Knowing the drill

Jim Connell says he's just been to the dentist for a check-up: "Struck me how alike dentists and car mechanics are. Both say 'Open up' and 'Oh, don't like the look of that – that'll cost you'," he says. Only difference is the mechanic doesn't have a hygienist steam-clean the engine bay before he has a look.

That's a wrap...

PORTMANTEAU words: the long goodbye. Mary Galletly says a friend uses Fairy-Up Liquid when doing the dishes. Simon Andrews: "Since the age of five, my daughter Maddie has referred to November 5th as Bonfireworks Night."

David Michelson: a line of motorists waiting for fuel is an "autoqueue"; a teenage boy's default feeling is "flustration". Stuart Allan proposes "Salmondellaquence" as the way that politicians can gild the lily; Ian Black suggests "bampotteries" as the place where daft people in Stoke live.

And this, from W. Robert Noonan: "If women could only indulge their 'hormoaning' for a few days every month, life would be so much more bearable."

With so many inspired entries, it was, as they say, very hard to pick a winner. But John Samson, of Edinburgh, gets the whisky for "Albadross" – tedious Gaelic programmes. Effusive thanks to all who entered.