READER David McVey heard the West of Scotland ticket examiner on his train this week complain about doing a journey to Alloa.
David felt he was being a little harsh on the Clackmannanshire toon by stating: "I mean, it sounds dead exotic when ye say it – 'Alloa' – but when ye step aff the train all ye can hear is banjos playing."
It reminds us of TV journalist Alan Whicker recounting when he was made a second lieutenant in the army and his first posting was to Alloa, he thought the emphasis was on the 'O" and that he was going to somewhere exotic in the South Seas.
THE five ladies from the former girl group The Spice Girls have got together in London to promote a new musical based on their songs. A fashion guru who saw the girls being photographed tels us: "Apparently it was all smiles when the Spice Girls reunited.
"Too much Botox will do that to you."
Taking a flier
NORMALLY it's Scotland fans who are accused of making the most of England's early exits from football tournaments, but showing that there is no sympathy in business is easyJet which this week e-mailed customers to tell them: "Make England's exit easier to deal with – choose from great summer deals for under £20."
Was she worth it?
COMEDIAN Jo Caulfield is calling her Edinburgh Fringe show at The Stand this year Thinking Bad Thoughts, which we reckon is borne out by the fact she recently told an audience: "Clothing store Abercrombie and Fitch have a policy where they only employ young, attractive, well-groomed staff. Do you think Greggs the bakers has the exact opposite policy?"
Very unfair, but we did like her telling a female audience member: "It's not your hair that's dull and lifeless – it's you."
THE chap in the Glasgow pub says he took a brave pill when he arrived home and told his wife: "The house is looking very tidy." He admits he went too far by adding: "Was the internet not working today?"
Many happy returns?
STV nightshift presenter Derek McIntyre also does DJing in clubs where he has become used to a few flying objects heading his way over the years when things got a bit hairy. But a Glasgow gig this week furnished him with a new experience – he was hit by a boomerang thrown from the crowd.
Friends have now reminded him of the old gag: "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?"
AN Edinburgh reader says he is still shaking his head after watching a young girl in his office with a very smart umbrella hesitate about going out in the rain at lunch-time and declaring: "I don't want to take my umbrella – it'll get wet."
AN inspired piece of graffito in Florence.
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