A READER catching a late-night bus in Glasgow heard a young woman angrily tell her boyfriend: "You always blame everyone else when things go wrong."
He savoured the response of the boyfriend: "And whose fault is that?"
Lost in translation
GOOD to hear former Secretary of State for Scotland Sir Malcolm Rifkind on Radio 4 at the weekend discussing the dangers of dodgy translations when he was Foreign Secretary. We know it's an old one, but we liked him recalling the British minister speaking in Moscow at the height of the Cold War who declared in a speech: "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
He was surprised later to see the speech translated into Russian as: "We have lots of vodka, but we're rather short of meat."
AS Scotland's new councillors thrash out the new coalitions to run the councils after Thursday's elections, Mike Small editor of webpage Bella Caledonia says that at one local hustings, the most memorable question asked was: "Where do you stand on dog pooh?"
A PRIMARY teacher tells us he is concerned about how much television features in the lives of his little charges. He claimed he asked one pupil: "What's 41 and 70?" The tot replied: "Sky Sports and CBBC channels."
OUR story about spelling addresses phonetically reminds Paul Cortopassi in Bonnybridge: "I'm often asked to spell my surname by call centre staff, and I've resorted to using the Nato phonetic alphabet – Charlie, Oscar, Romeo, Tango etc. However I've had to rethink this when recently interrupted by the call centre operative who asked, 'Charlie who?'"
Street of shame
IN the news were the two drunken students from Wales visiting Australia who woke up with a stolen penguin in their hotel room. We may not have picked up a penguin, but most of us have tales to tell of unusual souvenirs after a drunken night out.
We read of one former student who confessed: "In my first year I collected bollards, flashing yellow roadworks lights, etc. Sometimes there was even a 'Road Closed' sign or two. It got to the point that I could hardly move around my room so I hatched a cunning plan and later that very night I closed off an entire road with the signs and the flashing lights.
"The road stayed closed for four whole days, with annoyed-looking drivers having to reverse out into main-road traffic. Only on the fifth day did the council come and unblock it."
Any other confessions?
FINALLY the occasional sunshine has tempted folk out into their gardens and the inevitable tidying up after the winter. Perhaps only in Scotland, wonders reader John Barrowman, would the conversation he had with his wife take place. Thinking that his path and driveway could do with some fresh chips to spruce them up, he shouted into the house: "I'm going up to Stewarton for chips."
She replied: "You're not needing chips – I've got fish and boiled potatoes for supper."
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