CLYDEBANK stand-up Kevin Bridges has written his autobiography, which comes out next month.

He is also reading an audio book for publishers Penguin on pranks and wind-ups.

Kevin tells of being 16 and sitting in his pal's house phoning the chip shop owner across the road while claiming to be a taxi driver who had bought a sausage supper in which the chips had not been cooked properly.

Eventually the conversation gets so heated the chip shop owner demands he come back to the shop so they can sort it out like men. At that Kevin hung up - then phoned the local taxi firm to send a cab to the chip shop.

Fry jinks

PENGUIN are asking folk to send in their wind-ups for the audio book Kevin is reading. One of their own marketing folk recalled from his youth: "The chippy down the road from our school would batter anything for 50p - including Nick Thackray's pencil case."

Cracking support

SO what's happening on the referendum? Well Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon went walkabout in Glasgow yesterday surrounded by many Yes supporters carrying balloons. Or as reader John Paterson remarked: "You might think those balloons are decorative, but actually they are disguised anti-egg barrage balloons."

Heady debate

AND reader Mary Lunday in Largs was at a public meeting on the referendum in the town, where one of the speakers was SNP MSP Kenny Gibson. Mary was most amused when Kenny tried to take a question from a bald guy in the audience, and, struggling not to call him "the bald guy", said he would take a question from the "follicly challenged" chap.

Health warning

IRISH stand-up Dylan Moran will be appearing at Glasgow's Stand Comedy Club next week. We remember Dylan once explaining how shocked he was when his young son asked if the food he was being offered was organic. Said Dylan: "I told him I grew up on Angel Delight as a main course. We didn't get food in our house unless it was neon and took three seconds to prepare so that my parents could get on with their lives."

Four-star service

WE mentioned hamburger chain McDonald's celebrating its 40th anniversary in Britain. Customers will know that the staff can get up to four gold stars for showing proficiency in various parts of their job. Reader Robert Bennie recalls: "On my first visit to one of the first McDonald's, in Bury, my informed and very cruel companion queried the crew member as to what the missing star on his badge would be for. Grimly, the response was 'personality'."

Baby talk

VERY sad to hear that acerbic comedian Joan Rivers, who was due to appear at Glasgow Concert Hall next month, has died. We always liked her line about being a grandmother. "Grandchildren can be annoying," said Joan. "How many times can you go, 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel."

Serious question

READER John Park in Motherwell e-mails to tell us: "When I was young I decided to go to study medicine. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters P, N, E, I and S and form an important human body part. Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today, while the rest of us are sending jokes via e-mail."