A GLASGOW reader back from a Rhine cruise tells us of being on a guided tour of one of the castles on the river where the guide was telling the party about the bloody battles that took place.
A fellow British passenger piped up: "They should have attacked through the gift shop. It looks like the weakest point."
Gone to blazes
DINING out continued. Jim Hair in Dalry was in a now-former hotel where a large party of diners were fobbed off by the waiting staff when they wanted to complain about the quality of the food.
When they eventually found the manager he told them: "You've come to the right person – because I couldn't care either."
Adds Jim: "The hotel later closed, burned down, and is now a street of lovely houses."
Ale and hearty
SOME of our best philosophers are in the pub it seems. Paul Moody and Robin Turner, in their just published book, The Search for the Perfect Pub, tell of the chap they met in an Edinburgh pub who told them he lived for beer.
He explained: "It links you and me to the slave workers on the pyramids. What else does that? It's the Western world's equivalent of the peace pipe. If we used it as a positive force instead of condemning it, we might actually get this planet out of the mess it's in."
Presumably he was sober though when he said all that.
Pints to ponder
SOMEONE who might agree with him is the Chancellor, who reduced the tax on beer in yesterday's Budget. But as usual not everyone was happy.
A reader phoned to ask: "So what does the Chancellor know about the future that he needs us all to be drunk to face it?"
BUT another reader worked out: "A penny off a pint. Great. So if I have a thousand pints this weekend, I'll save a tenner?"
A lot to learn
MAGNUS Moodie in Edinburgh was on the 19 bus into town when he heard three students playing 20 questions.
"Is it in the USA?"
"Is it man made?"
"Is it the Pyramids?"
Magnus says his guffaw was loud enough to disturb the students.
Game for a laugh
MOTHERWELL Football Club has embraced new technology by using Twitter to inform fans about games being played, including the Under -20 game against Hamilton yesterday where the club spokesman tweeted: "Looking forward to seeing Chris Humphrey back in action after missing a few weeks through injury."
Five minutes later he added: "I take that back, he just threw a snowball at me from the gathered snow at the side of the pitch. Poor show."
So who thought professional football was all glamour?
Cpl Jones's cousin?
A READER in Saudi Arabia spots a clue that no-one seems to have noticed. The first name of the Governor of the Central Bank of Cyprus is Panicos.
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