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Flying off the shelves

BUDGET supermarket chain Aldi is to sell ostrich steaks from next month.

As someone we know observed yesterday: "Ostrich? Bet you a tenner that will never take off."

Dressing down on debate

FACEBOOK and Twitter were predictably alive in the aftermath of the Salmond-Darling TV debate, with the Yes and No sides sniping at each other across no-man's land.

Amidst ill-tempered exchanges about the performances of both men, it was easy to lose sight of the wider issue - or, as one bloke pithily summed it all up: "Forget the personalities - it's not about two portly men dressed by House of Sher."

Tweet talking

GREAT apologies of our time, continued. East Renfrewshire Council has said sorry for a tweet that appeared on its official account during the debate.

"Apologies folks. Personal views being expressed through council Twitter and situation now in hand. No offence meant," the authority tweeted. "We apologise for any offence caused by a previous inappropriate tweet. This was an unacceptable use of the council's Twitter account."

The cause of the offence? A terse tweet that read: "Alistair shut yer pus!!!" Probably from someone of the Yes persuasion, if we can trust our political antennae.

Terms of endearment

ON the subject of the new man in her life, Naomi Campbell says, slightly enigmatically, that she is "definitely in like with someone".

"In like with?" Innovative choice of words. Does she really just like him, or is "like" the new "love"? Could it catch on? If so, dozens of hit songs may have to be re-imagined as a matter of urgency.

Stevie Wonder singing I Just Called to Say I Like You, for example. Or Van Morrison's Have I Told You Lately That I Like You? The list goes on. You Give Like a Bad Name. A Groovy Kind of Like. Like Is A Many-Splendoured Thing. Can't Buy Me Like. Like Is All Around. In fact, we could fill this entire column with such examples. (That's what you think. Time to move on now - Ed.)

Key to a jetsetting life

NEIL Spencely visited his local branch of Timpsons, in Bearsden, to have some keys cut.

While waiting to be served, he noticed some photographs suggesting things that one can get spare keys for. A house. A car. A caravan. And a glistening private jet.

Says Neil: "On asking the vendor if he got many LearJet owners coming in for new keys he replied, 'Nah, not really - they find it a bit difficult to park.'"

Smartphone? Maybe not

EVER had to endure a train journey while sitting next to someone who insists on conducting a lengthy phone conversation in a very loud voice?

Twitter user James Hubbard feels your pain. As he reported just a few short days ago: "2 girls on my train. Inane, potty-mouth conversation with a friend on speakerphone. Never been so thrilled to go through a tunnel."

And just to rub salt into the wound, he used the hashtag of fishwives.

Joke digitally remastered

AND finally ... an old joke that seems to be enjoying a new lease of life. There's a promising new rock group in town just now. They're called 999 Megabytes. Trouble is, they haven't got a gig yet.

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