WRITER Irvine Welsh, pictured, read the story about the deal to sell live Scottish football games on television to China for the next 10 years and commented:

"It's horrendous, but you have to admire the Chinese regime's sheer ingenuity when it comes to torturing dissidents."

Cod's wallop

THE biggest change in Glasgow transport links in recent years has been the growth in services operated by McGill's, the Renfrewshire bus company run by the Easdale brothers of Rangers fame. Reader Willie McNish tells us he was outside Houston Primary on the school run when he heard one mother say to another: "Did you hear about the fish that was run over by a bus in Paisley? All it could say was 'Ma gills! Ma gills!'"

Hard bitten

TALKING of buses, a reader was travelling on one into Glasgow when a young chap took out a sandwich and his hungry pal asked if he could have a bite. "No," said his pal, "friendship and food - two very different things."

Lighten up time

FIREWORKS night last night and Ross Grier in Dundee summed up what it meant for many parents. "Takings the kids to the fireworks. Can't wait to moan about getting parked and how cold it is."

Mice and easy

CHRIS Keegan in Glasgow was perusing the advertisement for the Christmas meals on board The Ferry, formerly the Renfrew Ferry, parked on the Clyde. Vermin can often be a problem down at a riverside so he was impressed that The Ferry's advertisement, explaining what the meal consisted of, ended with: "Tea and coffee served with the captain's favourite mice pies."

Royal flush

NORRIE Hunter noticed that the wooden toilet seat at the Deeside Inn in Ballater was originally used in the royal waiting room at the local railway station in case Queen Victoria needed to use it en route to Balmoral.

It reminds him of when he worked at the headquarters of Scottish Nuclear in East Kilbride and a special toilet was installed at a cost of thousands in case Princess Anne wanted to use it when she officially opened the building.

She never did sit on that particular throne, but as Norrie explained: "It was then kept for other visiting dignitaries and was known by staff as where the VIPs do their VIPs."

Cynical drive

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to say: "A tip for teenagers. Get your parents to buy you a car for your 18th birthday by simply showing a fascination for motorbikes."

Hood-winked

RAYMOND Hainey on the Royal Gazette in Bermuda tells us about a shoplifter in court who declared: "I am Robin Hood. I steal from the rich and give to the needy."

The magistrate merely replied: "I'm the Sheriff of Nottingham. Thirty days."