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Force is with you

NICE little bit of seasonal humour on the Forfar Dispatch's Facebook page.

The question it asked was, what will you be doing to celebrate Hogmanay this year?

One man, a sergeant in Tayside's finest, responded: "Nothing ... working at 7am on New Year's Day ... the joys of being in the polis."

Immediately beneath this was the reply from someone else: "Tryin' no tae get caught fae the polis after 7am!"

Scouse humour

BRENDAN Rodgers' Liverpool team sit atop the Premier League table in England, but it seems not every fan is happy.

James Anderson says a guy in the pub was watching the Reds' game on TV at the weekend and announced: "I thought Liverpool played like comedians."

Given that the team had beaten Cardiff 3-1 to go top, this wasn't a widespread view in the pub.

Someone else asked: "How do you make that out, mate?"

Well, said the first bloke: "Flanagan and Allen were playing."

Present tense

AH, the joys of Christmas.

Donald A Grant found himself doing a quick last-minute shop in Braehead on Christmas Eve.

As he was making his way up an escalator he heard two teenagers arguing.

It seemed to be a heated little argument, if the words overheard by Donald are any yardstick.

"You've really screwed up my Christmas, Jean," one of the teens was saying. "You knew very well that that was the present I was going to get Mum!"

Taking steps

WE'VE had a good response to our request for post-independence programmes in Scotland.

Post independence, says Neil Macleod, the Wee Frees will have much more of a say about broadcasting matters.

Which is why he expects to see, on Saturday evenings, a televised sermon called Strictly No Dancing.

Ones to watch

SOME other suggestions:

Would I Lie to You - an account of the day's proceedings at Holyrood (W Gilmour)

Bar Trek - weekend entertainment review from Glasgow (Russell Smith)

Less Minister - Mr Salmond's dieting tip

The Eck's Factor - Scotland's exciting talent show

Coll No Midwife - Islands with baby-delivery issues (all John Samson)

There's One Born Every Minute - the behind-the-scenes story of Craig Whyte's takeover of Rangers (Jim Thomson).

Keep them coming; and remember there's a dinner for two at the Urban Bar and Brasserie in Glasgow for the best.

We'll be printing further selections tomorrow.

Cross purposes

A BEAUTIFUL cross-eyed girl is taking the modelling world by storm, comedian Jimmy Carr has tweeted: "I'm not sure who's she's modelling for but I think it's Hugo Boss-eyed."

Say cheese

AND finally, and for no good reason that we can think of, a corny joke: "What did the cheese say when he looked into the mirror ?" "Halloumi!"

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