SO Cheryl Cole has got hitched to her French boyfriend Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini in a low-key (read:
no six-figure picture deal with a glossy magazine) wedding on Mustique.
It was the natural outcome of a "whirlwind" three-month romance but as someone cautioned on Twitter yesterday: "Cheryl married someone she'd only just met. This won't end well - has she not seen Frozen?"
New claim
THE dust has yet to settle on Germany's World Cup triumph at the expense of Argentina. We liked this tweet, from one Chris Round: "I'm wondering how long Argentina will wait before they claim the World Cup is actually theirs."
Top of the world
AND in case you were wondering what could have possibly galvanised the German players into a last-ditch bid for victory, Mark Millar may have the answer. "Argentine player whispered [Angela] Merkel kind of reminds him of Rosa Klebb from James Bond," he tweeted during the final. "German team now really going for it."
It's a sign
THE things kids say (a very occasional series) ...
Allison Russell recalls an anecdote involving Jennifer, a friend of hers, during a visit to the opticians, when she was aged about 14. The optician was running through the usual questions and asked Jennifer her date of birth. "26th of May, 1985," she says. "So, what does that make you?" asks the kindly optician. A rather excited Jennifer replies: "A Gemini."
Forget me not
MORE on expenses: Robert Bennie once worked for an American multinational, where one very senior globetrotter was in the habit of claiming "Dalf - $100" on every trip he made. This went on for years. Eventually, someone, intrigued beyond endurance, asked him, what on earth does Dalf stand for? "Drunk And Long Forgotten", came the reply.
Make a date
US comedian Lewis Schaffer sends a remarkably self-flagellating email to promote his Fringe show, Success Is Not an Option. "This is my seventh consecutive year at the Fringe and I have gained zero traction. 22 years in comedy and I am still doing these poncy shows in dingy subterranean bars."
Put him out of his misery at Venue 313, Heroes @ The Hive, Niddry Street, July 31 to August 24. except August 12 and 19.
Poetry in motion
FROM The Eagles to Oasis and Uefa cup finals, Glasgow's Ian Adie has made his fortune from selling merchandise at rock concerts and sports events. His one failure came years ago - at Mayfest, of all places.
In Ian's inimitable words: "It was a book of poetry by Labi Siffre, the musician and poet.
"It was full of one-word poems on a page. It was a load of patronising drivel.
"His agent handed me 100 copies to sell. They were the size of a pillow case, had hundreds of pages, and weighed heavier than an Easterhouse wummin's weekly shopping bag.
"I said, 'I'll take one, and see how it goes.' Three hours later, I'm exhausted counting them back in; 98, 99, 100. I tell the manager, 'There you go, big guy - Thank God Labi can sing, because I wouldn't like to depend on his poetry'."
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