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Get ahead ...

SOME weather yesterday.

Donald Grant in Paisley ventured out in a new trapper-style fur hat, feeling a bit self-conscious as it wasn't normal west of Scotland headgear.

Says Donald: "I was standing at the bus stop in the driving sleet waiting to go to Paisley. When a bus came, the driver opened the door and called, 'In ye come son. Ah've got a hat like that and ah look ridiculous as well'.

"Whether I wear it again is still debatable."

Age-old problem

LIAM Chalmers in Dumfries was discussing the horsemeat scandal with friends of advanced years in his local, when he remarked that he didn't understand what the fuss was about as they must have eaten horsemeat during the Second World War.

"I don't remember ever having eaten horsemeat," replied one of his mates vehemently.

Then another chipped in: "Frank, these days we don't even remember what we had for breakfast this morning."

Careful what you wish for

IT is St Valentine's Day today, of course, and not every Glaswegian is a smooth romantic. A Glasgow woman in her 40s tells us she was in a west end bar at the weekend when a chap came up and thought she would be impressed with his opening line: "Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?"

A sporting chance

"Do we take our rugby seriously enough?" a Glasgow reader asks.

He pointed out: "Tonga beats Scotland – coach Andy Robinson resigns.

"Scotland beats Italy – the Pope resigns."

Cream of the crop

WE do wonder how foreigners cope with Scotland at times. A Kilmarnock reader was having lunch in a local restaurant when his wife asked for cream with her sticky toffee pudding. "Pouring or skooshy?" asked the waitress.

Wine connoisseur

AND our story about ordering red wine reminds Peter Jensen in Bearsden: "A pal of mine in Beith insists that when the good citizens there request a glass of wine, they are not asked by the barman if they wish red or white, but ridd or clear."

Losing game

TOUGH European game for Celtic the other night.

As David Brownlee told us yesterday: "As a non-footy fan I think there was too much of it on television last night, the Celtic game on STV, and then its re-run on BBC – at least I presume that's what Death in Paradise was."

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