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Golden shot

A TOURIST attraction in Dunblane is the postbox painted gold in memory of Andy Murray's Olympic victory.

Local Rob Mackenzie tells us: "On Monday, a lovely sunny day, I walked to the gold box to post a birthday card to my father. As often is the case, there were a few people queuing to get there picture taken beside it, and as I've done many times, I gave the card to the chap posing so that he could post it to make his picture more authentic.

"This time though the chap looked at the address, and a bit confused, told me, 'This isn't for me!'"

We'll drink to that

THE trade union May Day celebrations in Glasgow include an exhibition of the cartoons of shipyard painter Bob Starrett, who chronicled the UCS work-in.

It was Bob who told the tale of Wee Bunty the shipyard worker and her team who had sneaked in a half-bottle to their work.

When it was finished she asked one of the painters to fill the empty bottle with turps.

Wee Bunty carefully replaced the cork, went back to the off licence, innocently explained that it smelled a bit off to her, and when the assistant reeled back from smelling it, he promptly replaced it with a fresh half-bottle.

All smiles

COMEDIAN Mark Thomas will headline the May Day show at Oran Mor on May 5.

We liked the fact that, on the eve of April 1, Mark put on Twitter: "Watched with pride as daughter scraped the filling out of the Oreo biscuits, refilled with toothpaste, and put them back into the packet, ready for tomorrow."

Cut short

THE streets of Glasgow are quieter this week with folk away on holiday for Easter.

Reader Jimmy Manson in Ayr poses the question: "If you are in a travel agents, do they ask you if you are going anywhere nice for your haircut?"

Boxing clever

WE asked for your post-independence Scottish TV programmes.

Alan Morrison in Newmilns suggests: "The Big Bam Theory - situation comedy about four neds pondering the existence of large maniacs."

Off the rails

WITH impeccable timing, Network Rail announced that, due to maintenance work, no direct trains would run between Dundee, Perth and Glasgow on the day that St Johnstone and Dundee United will be contesting the Scottish Cup Final in Glasgow.

St Johnstone, tongue-in-cheek we presume, announced yesterday: "We'd like to say thanks for all the tweets received suggesting we make use of our fleet of agricultural vehicles for trip to Glasgow."

Need a lift?

"I'M getting old," announced the chap in a Glasgow pub the other day. "The guys in the office were discussing which of the female staff would you like to get stuck in a lift with. I told them, 'The one who knows how to fix lifts'."

Swanning around

A DISCUSSION on previous jobs in The Herald office came to an end when a colleague declared: "I was fired from my job in a luxury hotel for folding a dead swan into the shape of a towel and leaving it on someone's bed."

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