Harsh words

Diary Editor

Monday 14 November 2011

LIVELY place Glasgow on a Saturday night.

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A reader in the Central Station taxi queue heard a short-skirted young lady slur at her pal: “Did you see that Sophie had slagged you aff oan Facebook?”

“Aye,” replied her pal. “Mair like Two-face Book.”

Timely reminderWE asked for your cheque stories and George Veryan recalls: “My sister took her niece for a coffee in Princes Square after a late evening shopping trip. She was surprised at the bill of £21.32, expensive for two coffees even by Princes Square standards. Annoyed, and not having enough cash, she paid by cheque. ‘Sorry’ states the waiter, ‘we don’t accept cheques for bills of less than £10: 21.32 is the time’“Next call, Specsavers.” Reassuring wordsAND Allan Morrison in King’s Park tells us: “I have a pal who works in a bank and one day a fiscally challenged chap came in to draw money from his account. He had written the cheque in pencil and so my mate asked the customer to ‘ink it over’.“He came back and said, ‘Yes, I really, really want the money’.” Exotic tastesNOT everyone in Dundee is very worldly it seems. Scott Barclay was in a kebab shop late on Friday night in the city when a chap being served in front of him leaned over the counter and announced: “A wid like bacon oan mine.”Says Scott: “The reply from across the salad bar was, ‘Im sorry, we’re halal’.“One again the man lurched onto the counter with a smile glazed on his face. However this time he presented his hand and politely responded, ‘Oh, awright Halal, Ma name’s Sam’.” Sugar hitOH yes it’s panto time soon, and already rehearsals for Mister Merlin at Glasgow’s Tron Theatre are well under way. Tron staff are hoping there will not be a repeat of a previous panto when the traditional throwing of sweets into the audience involved the rather large Lees’ macaroon bars which had been gifted by the manufacturers.Recalls a Tron staffer: “You can imagine the embarrassment when the sweetie-bowling skills resulted in a direct hit to the eye of an elderly audience member. To make matters worse, when said audience member was then escorted from the auditorium for some first aid treatment for her already blackening eye, she was hit in the face by one of the theatre doors, resulting in another black eye.“Not quite the shining example of great customer service that we were aiming for.” Route plannerTRADITIONALIST football fans, who like their players numbered from 1 to 11, will appreciate Clydebank comedian Kevin Bridges, at a football award ceremony, when he told Celtic striker Gary Hooper, who wears the number 88 on his jersey: “Gary, you have to make your mind up. Are you a football player or a bus?”

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Harsh words

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